In short, Anne wrestles with God …and it’s good.
She is constantly asking questions about God…
When we get to heaven, will we still need God?
What does God’s face look like?
What is mercy?
What is the lamb of God?
She reminds me of a curious four year old, but all of her questions center around Jesus. I’m so thankful. She still struggles with God’s goodness. She often says that God doesn’t love her or help her. Or she’ll say, “I’m done with God – because he let the car crash happen.” But then she’ll look up at me and say, “But I do love Him, mommy.”
She’s wrestling. We all wrestle with God’s goodness, we just don’t have the courage to admit it :-) Anne doesn’t have the luxury of hiding. She can’t inhibit herself from talking… you always know what she’s thinking. Thankfully, she has a safe place to wrestle. There is no condemnation in this home – we do not blindly accept God’s goodness. No, my prayer is that God will bring her out on the other side, stronger and more convinced of His goodness and love for her – able to face more of this life’s hardships. And yes Anne… we will still need God when we get to heaven :-)
Crayons In My Water 
Dear Anne,
What important questions you’re asking!
That’s GREAT. They are not easy questions. As you are discovering: There are a zillion of them to ask. The answers take awhile to discover. But I know you will. The Bible says: Seek and ye shall find. You’re seeking. That’s VERY good.
I don’t know what YOUR answers will be. But I know God will speak to your heart.
Here’s what I know for me:
I have TONS of health stuff. Different from yours, but still very hard.
Like you, I didn’t do anything bad first. They just happened.
I prayed for God to help me see the good stuff, in the middle of the hard stuff. He did. He has. He does.
I asked Him to help me find things to be grateful for. The list has gotten VERY long, grin.
I asked Him to help me see differently. He did. He still does.
I asked Him to teach me, so He could one day use me in the lives of others. He’s done that and is doing that in more ways than I ever dreamed.
Yes Anne, I KNOW for POSITIVE that God’s got amazing things in store for your life.
Keep asking your quesitons. Keep looking and listening for those answers. Keep discovering who you and He are together. You already make an amazing Anne/God Team. You will come to know that more and more.
You’ve got soooo many people loving you and praying for you. They live all over the world. Most of them you have NEVER met. They are friends of friends of friends. And THEY tell THEIR friends, who tell their friends. And the ripples keep going outward.
So, God is already using your hard stuff, to bring people to their knees before Him. They are also asking their own questions.
So, Just by being yourself, EXACTLY how you are in this moment in time: you are helping other people.
You are wonderful, Anne.
And I pray for the day when you know you’re wonderful, too.
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Wow! Anne is such an inspiration. Thanks for taking the time to document your journey, Kathryn. God is faithful, and when you read over all of this 10 years from now, you will just be amazed.
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I love hearing Anne’s words. There is nothing like a child’s heart to be able to say so many things and yet on the other side follow up with ” but I love Him”. Thank you for continuing to share because yes the ripples of your story are reaching so many.
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Love the comment “I’m done with God….but I still love Him.” I have felt like that at times of struggle and trials too. So thankful He allows us the freedom and time to struggle and wrestle with Him when things are hard. Will continue to pray for her as she wrestles. What an encouragement Anne is to me (and so many others) as she is so transparent…it reminds me to really think through my struggles and take them to God, rather than maybe try to ignore them. Thank you for so consistently sharing. Mara Kate prays for Anne EVERY night before bed. :)
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Thank God for precious children who are not afraid to ask questions. There are adults who have questions to ask but are afraid they will be judged for the questions they ask. God is greater than any question that can be asked. He can handle it!
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I am so thankful that Anne is so concerned about God and her relationship with him. I think her questions are so neat. God is so good.
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Thanks for your entry, Kathryn. It was a needed reminder to let our children (and ourselves) wrestle with God and not to just give pat answers. Matthew has been wrestling some with the uncertainties of our move (when?, where?, will NYC have the sports I like?) and it’s easy to say ,”God’s in control” to stop the questions. I think Matthew is wrestling with God’s goodness, without realizing it, but when I’m honest, I admit that I have at least as many questions as he does.
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All of your comments are so encouraging to me! Thank you for taking the time to comment!
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