Remember that last post I wrote… All about life swirling but how I’ve found a way to stay calm in spite of the chaos. Yeah. Well. That lasted almost two whole days. And then I messed up my van.
Yes, there was swirling, much swirling – like my head when it spun so fast ’cause I was so mad at myself. Lesson learned – never write about inner peace again. Never.
I was getting gas. Just an ordinary day at QT – until some truck pulled up with a huge trailer – which blocked my quick exit. So when I finished filling up, I thought… no problem – I can get around this big trailer – I’ll just turn a bit and then SCREECH, SCRATCH – and…
I.
was.
stuck.
My van was wedged on a big, yellow, metal post. I had to have two guys coach me on how to get out of the mess I created. And when I was finally free – I just took off without even saying, “thank you.”
Ugh. I was so mad and humiliated and mad. Did I mention I was mad? Here’s proof of my stupidity…
You might be thinking… “Oh that’s not so bad.” Well, check out the close-up view.
Beautiful isn’t it? I even have yellow paint details to highlight the damage. Great.
Eric wasn’t mad at all, but was so gracious to me; “It’s just a van, Kathryn.” But I loved my van. Eric worked so hard to find the best deal on this exact van in this exact color. And now I’ve messed it up, and I get to drive around town with evidence of my bad driving skills on display. Sigh.
I shared my sob story at bible study this morning. Everyone tried to cheer me up by sharing their stories…
“Well, I hit a fence at my kids’ school one time”
“Oh, I can top you. I side swiped my husband’s car.”
“Well, I left the gas station with the hose still attached. Beat that.”
That did make me feel better, actually :-) But seriously, why did I get so mad at myself? I make mistakes. I’m not perfect. Why does that surprise me? Anger is usually a sign of an idol. I did something stupid, and I got mad. I need to let go of this facade of being a “smart girl who has it together.” It’s just not true. So driving around with a messed up van is going to be good for me. It’s a reflection of who I am. I’m a scratch and dent model… and I’m (almost) okay with that ;-)
Crayons In My Water 
Since we’re doing “goof” stories: I was trading me car in for a brand new stick shift. My Mom and Grandpa were in their truck, and I started my brand new car and promptly ran into them.
Not only did I NOT get it out of the dealership parkinglot, I never even got it into FIRST. So I had a quarter-size HOLE in the front of my car……they said they’d fix it for several hundred dollars (back in 1976)…..needless to say I lived with it.
Got the car home, parked it and didn’t drive it for TWO weeks, until I bit the bullet and discovered the ENTIRE TOWN was made of HILLS. Sheesh. It’s funny today, and is part of the fabric of my life….but at the time, not so funny. (No damage to my Mom’s truck!)
The good thing? I’d gotten the worst thing (messing up my brand new car that I was paying for) out of the way, so I did NOT live in fear of messing it up or getting it scratched. As a result, I was LOTS calmer, and that car’s mileage went over once and 1/2 again, and still had the original clutch that did not slip in the least. See, lesson learned in a BIG way that paid off for a lifetime.
You are NOT bad, terrible or awful. You do NOT need to stop claiming and celebraing peace when you find it. Just keep putting down anchors, so you can find it more swiftly next time.
Life is about dancing, and dancing includes swirls. It’s not only OK but also VERY good.
Luv Ya LOTS!
PS I swam today for the first time in 2 years, so heart-health is on it’s way. Still LOTS of training for Mocha before she’s comfy with it all, but we’re inching (they’re just micro-inches sometimes—aka VERY small, grin).
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Sorry that happened….its never fun to mess things up. But like you said…we mess up. Thank God for His grace! As far as the van…well…its just a van….no one will care about the dent…at least those who love us unconditionally. And in the end it will burn….along with all our other stuff. Good to see you today!
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Oh my! I won’t even begin to list the messes I’ve gotten in with my vehicles! And with every one, I, too, would get so, so mad at myself! I don’t think I’ve owned a vehicle that I didn’t bang up or dent or something else. You would get so bored reading all of them and I probably couldn’t recall all of them. And to top that off, my daughter is the exact same way! I promise you! Yes, you can live with the dings, dents, and bang ups! They’re part of life! Just be thankful you are safe and no one else was hurt!
God bless!
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Take comfort when you see my van’s bumper! Unfortunately we’ve all been there. TR’s cousin does these repairs at one of the dealerships in Marietta & will do them on the side at a much lower price if you’re interested in getting a quote.
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Kathryn, Yours is a perfect example of what I call the proof we don’t really understand Grace very well. We all seem to think we have to measure up. I know that when I mess up I have a hard time accepting it, just as you describe here. If I’ve “done everything right” then I understand that God still can help me when there are problems. Both of us know, we never fully “do everything right” but God is merciful to us and deals with us according to His grace, not our merit. Thanks for sharing. I am so sorry about the car. It is not a pretty sight!
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