In the middle

Mommy, why did God let that stupid car crash happen? How could God really love me?

How do you answer your little girl when she asks these types of questions? Complicating matters is the fact that Kate, who is now 6 years old, is beginning to ask the same questions. Kate was only 3 when it all happened. I’ve spent much time praying for direction on how to lead such a young child through the grief of losing her sister. Kate is finally able to process it all.

The other night as I was putting the girls to bed, Kate was saying her prayers. Kate always prays for Anne. She asks God to help Anne get “all better,” for Anne to walk again, for God to heal her left arm, for Anne to dance and run again. Every night it’s the same, except this time, Kate stopped and asked, “If Anne does walk again, will Anne’s head be better too?” In other words, if Anne gets better physically, will she get better mentally? Kate was essentially asking, “Will Anne ever be ‘normal’ again?”.

How do you answer your little girl when she asks these types of questions?

I tell both girls the truth. “I don’t know.” And then I tell them about the idea of story.

“Kate, think about the story of Cinderella, and how hard her life was. Her evil step mother made her work like a slave. Cinderella didn’t know the end of the story. She didn’t know that she would marry the prince and live happily ever-after. When you are living in the middle of a story, you don’t know the end, and that is hard.

But, who is writing Anne’s story? God is writing Anne’s story, and he knows the end. God’s word assures us that the end is a good one, a ‘happily ever after’ one, but while we are living in the middle of this story, it is hard. We just have to trust that God has a good plan for Anne, and a good plan for you, and then we do the best we can while we wait for the end of the story.”

Anne and Kate’s beds are very close to each other. There is barely enough room for me to kneel down between them. But when I squeeze in to kneel beside one bed, I can reach behind and touch the other. As I was kneeling with Kate, telling her how God is weaving Anne’s story, I was rubbing Anne’s back with my other hand. And Anne was still. She was listening… taking in the truth that God is writing her story, and that her story is good.