Truth

Surrender

God has me in a very good place – one of surrender. Every morning, I ask God to keep me here, and I ask for the grace to surrender Anne to Him (again) and leave her with Him for the day.

This place of surrender is one that I could have NEVER come to on my own. It is a glorious place to be. Surrender brings peace -true peace. A peace that rises above circumstances and rests on the promises of a good God. I don’t know how long God will let me stay here, but I’m trying to drink as much as I can while I can :-)

Meanwhile, Anne seems to be flourishing. Her attention is improving. Her abilities to ask appropriate questions and make conversation are improving. Her hand to mouth impulses are still strong, but have decreased slightly. She’s warm, engaging and fun to be around. Her stream of consciousness chattering is distracting in group situations, but is delightful at home.

Overall, we’re just so thankful for the person God is shaping her to be. We’re still praying for her to be able to participate in group activities with appropriate behavior, for her to be able to walk and use her left hand – but mostly for her to experience the joy of God’s presence on earth and for her life and spoken testimony to glorify Him.

Thank you for joining us in prayer, and for loving Anne and our family through this journey. – kathryn

Stomping and Staring…

So sorry that I haven’t updated the site in a while… Simply put, I just feel sad. I miss Anne when she’s at rehab. I miss the old Anne when she’s at home. The physical demands of caring for Anne coupled with the emotional work of grieving is just exhausting.

I feel like God is prompting me to accept the fact that the old Anne is just that – old. And then to trust Him to make the new Anne better than she was before… But I’m resisting.

I feel like Kate when she gets mad. She stomps her feet and looks at me with a real mean stare. It takes all of my will-power not to laugh at her! Clearly her stomping and staring do nothing to sway my will. I still know best – whether she likes it or not ;-)

I know God knows best, but I don’t like it right now, and I just want to stomp my feet a little longer. But I won’t stomp long – it’s just too painful…

Only God has the power to heal and shape Anne. He loves her and has good plans for her – plans to prosper her, to give her a future and a hope.

God is near – even when I’m stomping and staring.

Praying unceasingly for little Anne – kathryn

Given to me twice

Yesterday – my friend, Hilarie Jones, wrote in the guestbook in response to my last journal entry… “Passionate and complex or docile and simple she is still your same little Anne – a precious gift from God – given to you twice.”

Have you ever read something – and immediately the Holy Spirit uses it to transform your heart in an instant? Well, that’s what Hilarie’s comment did for me…

Reading her words reminded me of when I was pregnant with Anne. During the whole 1st half of the pregnancy, I was convinced Anne was a boy. Mainly, because I was terrified of having a girl! At that point in my life, I had been wrestling with daddy/daughter and feminity issues, so not only did I feel incompetent, but incapable of raising a girl. When the ultrasound tech said she was a girl, I wept. I felt like God was saying, “Kathryn, I entrust you with this girl, because I am sufficient.” It was like a personal promise to equip me for the task and also to heal my emotional woundedness – which He has faithfully done over the last five years…

So now God, in His tender mercies, is giving me Anne again – bit by bit, strand by strand, layer by layer. I feel like God is calling me to savor each part of her as I wait for Him to reveal his masterpiece (called Anne) in His timing. What a sweet gift!

-kathryn

Looking back…

I just spent a little time re-reading Anne’s journal entries from the last few months…

She has come so far. I needed to be reminded of God’s faithfulness because I’ve been feeling discouraged lately. I shouldn’t :-) I realized today that God has restored Anne to exactly where she needed to be to come home. She can sit, and she is emotionally stable. Those were my two main prayers for Anne, and God answered.

I guess I’ve just been a little sad watching Anne at home. She’s so docile… and simple. Anne used to be volatile and complex, so it’s tough for me to have such a different child at home. I miss my passionate Anne…

God is good. If Anne were her passionate self, I know she wouldn’t be handling her physical limitations as well as she is now. I just pray that Anne will continue to progress – that I will one day see my passionate and complex Anne again. I miss her terribly.

…trying to focus on God’s faithfulness -kathryn

God’s sovereign hand

So amazing it is to look back and see God’s sovereign, good hand at work in our lives. Examples:

  1. Two months prior to the accident, Kathryn had been praying with Canon that God would use our family to glorify Himself and that we needed to trust and obey God through trials that we face.
  2. God made it clear that we needed to be open handed with our possessions – thus causing us to reduce possessions several months prior to the accident. These resources can now can be used for little Anne’s rehab and the lack of those possessions help us focus on what is important.
  3. A number of months ago, God pricked our interest in the topic of the existence of suffering in a world created by a good God, so we read some on the topic. It helped to know Biblical truths during this journey.
  4. Many of the relationships that God engineered in our lives have been an incredible influence during this time.

oh, i suppose it is all just coincidence. . . . . HA! not a chance!! :-)

1 Cor 1:18 – For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

-eric

Overactive

Over the last week, little Anne has been what we are calling ‘over active’ with her movements and her speech (and thoughts). She has trouble controlling her movements, her emotions, and what she says. She is the opposite end of the spectrum from where she was when she entered rehab several weeks ago. We know this is part of the healing process, and it is progress, but has its challenges. This activeness is physically and emotionally draining for us – and Kathryn has been in the trenches fighting with little Anne daily in her rehab. Pray that God continues to send fortifications for the two of them.

Anne was particularly fussy this afternoon and this evening, so Anne and i decided to sing this song together tonight:

Lord, you are more precious than silver
Lord, you are more costly than gold.
Lord, you are more beautiful than diamonds, and
nothing I de-sire com-pares with you.

This really calmed her while we were singing.

Kathryn and i continue to be so blessed by all of you who are reaching out to us by praying, and by giving of your time and resources to help us. i so look forward to telling Anne’s story over and over and over in the coming years. A story to tell to my neighbors now, to my children as they grow, and to my grandchildren when i am old and grey. A story of how in little Anne’s time of need, God provided healing, and how God’s family showed up with a mighty force of support, help, and care. i knew God’s strong arm of healing and support was there in theory, but to experience his help and such a tangible way continues to be amazing. i find it difficult to pray any prayers but thankful ones these days – we are just so grateful that so many are on the journey with us – it makes no logical sense that all of you would be reaching out in this way – but in God’s economy, what seems foolish to man is wise (1 Cor 1:18-21).

-eric

Anne’s passion emerges.

For those of you who know Anne well, you know that she is a passionate young lady – which is sometimes displayed in a very fiery temper :-)

This morning, when I was combing her hair (which she has always despised…) she yelled out at me, “Mommy, I’m so mad at you I could punch you in the face!” I’ve never been so happy to see Anne mad! I hope it’s a foretaste of her person coming back to us, bit by little bit.

God is so good to orchestrate our lives so that we might know more fully His love and compassion for us. He has brought encouragement to Eric and me in very personal ways at just the right times. He knows us intimately and Anne is in His strong hand constantly. We are grateful for the prayers of the saints, but especially for the prayers of our Great High Priest, Jesus, who sits at the Father’s right hand interceding for Anne!!

-Gratefully, kathryn

A Difficult Day

Anne cried a lot today. It’s hard to know why… I guess that’s what makes it so difficult :-)

Days like today remind me that Christ alone is able. He alone is able to heal Anne, to knit her brain back together, bit by little bit.

He alone is able to strenghten her weak knees and make our paths level and straight. He gives strength to the weak and heals the brokenhearted. That’s a good thing – because that describes me… weak and brokenhearted – but not without hope :-)

I know that today is just a moment in a much bigger picture. God is weaving his good plan in and through Anne and our family. Our job is to wait and trust as He does His work.

Let’s pray for a peaceful night. Sweet Anne needs one.

-kathryn

A day of extremes…

5-29-10

This morning, I’ve never seen Anne look so good! But, this afternoon, Anne started to regress.. We don’t know why. Her left leg started shaking alot and she is unconsolable – extremely fussy.

Poor Eric is staying with her tonight. Please pray that God gives Eric insight into what is troubling Anne – and for God to help them both cope tonight. Pray for rest and peace.

God is worthy to be praised when Anne is good. God is worthy to be praised when she is not so good. He is our Sovereign Lord.

-kathryn