April 13, 2010 – April 13, 2020 = A lifetime

It’s only been a decade since the car accident, but it seems like a lifetime. Not in a bad way – just in the fullest of ways. It’s been a decade marked by God’s steady faithfulness – like a gentle wind pushing us forward.

10 years ago, I was 39 with children 7, 5, and 3 years old. Well, you can add 10 ;) A lot changes from age 7 – 17, 5 – 15, 3 – 13 (and I won’t think about the fact that I’m almost 50!)

In so many ways, Anne is still the same. There will always be a part of her that remains five. Thankfully, she’s grown in maturity and self-control. She thinks about boys in one moment and Daniel Tiger in the next. She misses her friends but loves her mommy best. There’s a five-year-old and a 15-year-old jumbled up in the best way and what is left is simplicity and joy.

Canon will be a senior in high school next year and both Kate and Anne will be freshmen. It’s not easy having Anne as a sister but they are better people because of her. Anne makes us all a little less selfish and a bit more grateful.

Eric and I are anticipating a time when it’s just the three of us. Canon and Kate will leave to begin their own families and Anne will remain with us. It’s a bittersweet thought, but we are strengthened with the knowledge that caring for Anne is a holy work. She’s our jewel.

Today, my 13-year-old Kate posted this on her brand new Instagram account, “ok so today is the 10 year anniversary of the car accident and honestly i think this year i have finally fully accepted the plan that God has for my life and Anne’s :)”

My greatest desire as a parent is to see my children walk in God’s ways. My constant prayer for them is that they might have the courage to follow wherever God might lead them. Today, God gave me a glimpse that He hears my prayers, that He is always working for our good, and I can always trust him. Bring on the next 10 years!

I have been reading through the Bible using The Daily Bible – which arranges the Bible into 365 chronological readings. I’ve come to Leviticus which contains all the laws. God’s holiness is beyond my understanding and I struggle to reconcile his law with the compassion of Jesus.

Leviticus 21-22 are especially difficult passages for me as they refer to “without blemish.” No priest or animal could have a blemish. That meant no blind priests in the tabernacle. Hunchbacks were not tolerated. Even if your hand was injured, you were not allowed.  Where does Anne’s disability fit into God’s picture of holiness depicted through the Levitical law?

But I have an idea… What if God was painting a picture of his original design? What if he was pointing back to what should have been – before sin entered the world… Sin corrupted everything… even our physical bodies. Disability, sickness, and death were not part of God’s original plan. There was no “blemish” before sin. Taking this idea forward, what if God was also painting a picture of how he will restore all of creation at the end of the age? In the new heaven and new earth, there will be no blemish, no defect, and no disability!

Anne’s disability is just an outward picture of our inward brokenness. Apart from Christ, none of us can approach God’s throne because none of us are “without defect.”

In this difficult time of waiting for heaven, I can find hope in the resurrection of Christ – which undoes the effects of sin. It is the resurrection which begins the great reversal. What did C.S. Lewis write in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe?

Though the witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. But if she could have looked a little further back… she would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.

Death is working backward. One day Anne will be whole and without defect. And so will I! Lord, hasten the day!

Seven years ago, our family moved. We were living in a three-story house (with a drive-under garage), and everyone assumed we were moving to a more accessible ranch home. After all, stairs are not practical with a disabled child. But no. We moved to another three-story house with a drive-under garage. Why would we do that?! We moved to a cul-de-sac where our closest friends lived – my kids have literally played in the street (and surrounding woods) with their best friends for the last seven years. It’s one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.

But as Anne has grown heavier, navigating not one – but TWO – flights of stairs has become too difficult. Eric and I have been wrestling with whether to move away from our coveted cul-de-sac or figure out how to make this house work for Anne. We have spent so much time and energy brainstorming out of the box ideas – from moving to a 900 sq. ft. ranch to pricing elevators!

Exasperated from dead-end solutions, we finally turned to God and asked for help. (Obviously – this should have been our first move.) God, in his mercy, gave me an idea…and it was such a simple and obvious solution! We have a partly-finished room in our basement – right off the garage – with an (unusually large) finished bathroom. Why couldn’t we convert that room into a bedroom for Anne?

Currently, I hear the banging of floors being installed in our basement!! Anne will have her own room right off the garage with an accessible bathroom. In the mornings, I can get her ready for school and not have to get her down two flights of stairs. She’ll already be down there! Also, the bathroom has a shower stall. No longer will I have to lift her in and out of a bathtub, but she can transfer from her wheelchair to a shower chair into the shower stall that has been in our basement (unused) for the last seven years. Even the sink in that bathroom is perfectly accessible by her wheelchair. We are also installing a stair lift from the basement to the main level of the house to help ease the burden of getting her up and down the stairs.

Once again, God has provided perfectly for our every need. Why am I surprised? Not only has God provided for Anne, but also for our other kids. They get to stay close to their friends, and Kate (for the first time in her life) will have her own bedroom :)

Being a special needs parent is hard. But seeing God provide – even in these material ways – is so encouraging. Jesus loves Anne. He loves me. He will not leave or forsake us. I’m so thankful!

Update: Anne has moved down to her new room and she LOVES it!!!