We’ve been on a whirlwind tour of Christmas parties, concerts and other holiday activities. As of today, all of my children are home for Christmas break – just in time to celebrate Christmas with Eric’s family tomorrow – and then the 24th :-) I love Christmas Eve! I’m in a much better place this Christmas than last year…. when the grief pulled me under. The light eventually came, but last December was hard. Thinking back on it… I miss how dependent I felt on God. There’s something about being low that makes us look up.
Here are some highlights of the last few weeks…
Anne received an award in front of all the lower grades for mastering her 50 sight words. This pic was taken after the ceremony. Kate and Canon were so proud of her!
One of Anne’s many “holiday” parties…. She got to make a gingerbread house – but all she really wanted to do was eat the candy :-)
Merry Christmas from our crazy family to yours!!!!!
Anne: What do I have behind my back, Daddy?
Eric (thinking really hard): Is it a bouncy ball?
Anne: It’s not just any bouncy ball. It’s a magic bouncy ball. Whenever you bite it, it turns into an elephant!
We all had a wonderful day, except for Canon who had a 101 degree fever. But he’s starting to feel better now.
Well, Almost. . . . . . Kate(4) has enthusaistically asked me every day this week – “is tomorrow Christmas?” Little Anne, catching wind of these discussions has started asking me – “is today Christmas?” i suppose the theory being, if i keep asking maybe mom and dad will eventually give in and say that today IS Christmas :-)
Little Anne had a really good day yesterday. . . she just seemed a little more lucid and ‘with it’. After a strenuous OT session, she asked Kathryn on the drive home – “i’m tired, i worked so hard today, can we go to Wendy’s?” Her conversation just seemed a bit more normal and the tone in her voice seemed more herself. She seemed to switch topics less frequently and kept on-track.
Over breakfast, as Canon(8) and i were discussing our new family dynamics and how God still has a good plan for Anne and for us amidst the difficulty, Canon reminded me: “Daddy, its like the story of Joseph!” How so, i asked. Canon suggested that just like Joseph’s trip down the dark well of hopelessness, God made it all for blessing and for good – and for His purposes!
Kathryn and i have been a bit more anxious (and even sad) these past 2 weeks as we consider little Anne’s challenges and how she loved Christmas last year. Canon’s Jospeh account that God is writing a story that will glorify Him through the weakness of a child (Anne) is amazing wisdom. What a great thing for me to remember as we focus not on ourselves, but on the Christ-child. . . . . through the weakness of a baby, God chose to save us!
I just got home from our church’s Christmas program rehearsal. Three of us are particpating in it, so it was a busy night!
Tonight’s rehearsal crystalized some thoughts for me – as I’ve been wrestling with why I’m struggling with Christmas this year. I didn’t want to put up the tree, but I did it- for the kids’ sake. I didn’t want to deal with presents or wrapping paper. I don’t like seeing all the lights. It’s all so painful – b/c it’s all tainted with grief.
I think for the first time in my life, I find myself wanting to push past all of this christmas-y stuff – and find Jesus. I have this image in my mind of unwrapping this huge box that is covered with commercial christmas paraphernalia. And the box is really hard to unwrap and open – layers and layers and layers of paper and packing tape and packing material – to finally uncover the tiny Christ child – hiding in the bottom of the box.
Thinking of the Holy Night of Christmas requires discipline to be still – but thankfully, it is where I’ve found comfort this Christmas season…
And I’ve needed comfort… I am taking Anne to the neurologist tomorrow morning b/c we think she might be having seizures. We’ve been calling them “episodes.” She’ll zone out and jerk her body slowly. They last anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 or 3 minutes and they are SO difficult to watch. It’s just a painful reminder that my sweet little girl has a serious brain injury.
Will you pray for us tomorrow morning?
- that the neurologist will have wisdom to properly diagnose Anne, and
- that I wouldn’t get so anxious when these episodes do happen, and finally,
- that they would DISAPPEAR :-)
Trying to find Jesus at the bottom of the box… -kathryn