As I was climbing the stairs to bed, my mind twisted its way to worry… “O Lord, how long will I have to care for a disabled child? Her whole life? My whole life? Will there ever be a day when I can trust her to be alone – will the impulsivity ever improve… and her feet? What about her feet?” I stopped myself. And looked for comfort in truth… From Streams in the Desert (June 27):
“The Lord is my strength” (Ex 15:2) to go on. He gives me the power to walk the long, straight, and level path, even when the monotonous way has no turns or curves offering pleasant surprises and when my spirit is depressed with the terrible drudgery.
“The Lord is my strength” to sit still. And what a difficult accomplishment this is! …I feel like the mother who stands by her sick child but is powerless to heal. What a severe test! Yet to do nothing except to sit still and wait requires tremendous strength.
How many times do I turn to God and He speaks directly to my circumstance? So many times. He will supply what I need for today (period). He alone is my strength.
Control. It’s every woman’s greatest temptation. And I’ve fallen… again.
We’re thinking about moving. Well, we’re more than thinking, we are working to put our house on the market. I remember thinking that after this past year and all the lessons God has (tried) to teach me about trust, that trusting Him to sell our home would be easy… It’s a house – not my daughter. If I could learn to trust God with my own flesh and blood, how much easier would it be to trust Him with a temporary object?
Ugh. I give myself way too much credit.
From the moment we decided to pursue moving, I jumped in… cleaning, de-cluttering – trying to get the house perfect as fast as I possibly could. And when Eric decides to go at a different pace, or use a different strategy – well… Hear me Roar!
Oh Jesus, you’d think I would have learned just a little about trust – just a little? Tonight’s devotional from Streams in the Desert was like a punch right in my gut: Remain still before Him, and stop your own restless working until He begins to work. Do nothing that He Himself has not commanded you to do. Allow God time to work and He surely will.
Trust, Kathryn! Stop trying to control everything. Stop. Stop! Help your husband and trust God to work. …As Anne would say, “Easy-Peasy.” HA!
Sorry that we haven’t posted in a while… Sometimes we don’t post because there just isn’t much to report – or it could be because we’re insanely busy… But this time it’s because I’ve been unusually sad. I don’t know whether it’s the Christmas season or other circumstances, but I just feel spent and downcast.
I’ve experienced enough dark seasons in my life to know that it won’t always be like this! One day I’ll look back at this Christmas, and be SO thankful that I’ve lived through it and don’t have to go back :-)
But something I read tonight encouraged me a little… It’s from December 13th’s entry of Streams in the Desert:
“Sometimes the darkness in our lives is worse, because we cannot even see the web we are weaving or understand what we are doing. Therefore we are unable to see any beauty or any possible good arising from our experience. Yet if we are faithful to forge ahead and ‘if we do not give up’ (Gal. 6:9), someday we will know that the most exquisite work of our lives was done during the days when it was the darkest.”
Oh I hope it is true!
…I am taking Anne to visit her new teacher tomorrow. Please pray for God to use her and the other students in Anne’s class for good in Anne’s life – and for God to use Anne for good in their lives as well.
Forging ahead :-) – kathryn