Sorry for the silence… Old-man grief came out of his hiding place to surprise me once again. I don’t know why I’m surprised – it’s Christmas after all.
I think what really did me in was going to Stone Mountain… My mom (being the extremely generous mom that she is) gave us a trip to Stone Mountain for Christmas… so we packed up and headed east for a one night’s stay at the Stone Mountain Inn for a bit of (fake) snow fun.
We spent a weekend at Stone Mountain in May 2009 – one year before the accident. Anne loved it.
I know I shouldn’t compare. It’s fruitless and worst of all… it’s painful. I just miss that Anne so much sometimes.
I’m still struggling with acceptance… I’m just not at peace with this new life God has called our family into. I don’t like how difficult it is; it’s tough living moment by moment… and right now I just feel like a whiny, cry-baby. I don’t know how to get to acceptance*. I think it has something to do with giving up control, releasing expectations, trusting that God is good, trusting that God will help me with this huge responsibility He’s given me – all the while continuing to fight and push to provide the best care to help Anne reach her maximum potential (*paraphrased from Stephanie Hubach’s book, Same Lake, Different Boat). No wonder I’m struggling with acceptance – that all sounds impossible! Thankfully – God (alone) can do it for me.
All things considered, our family had a good time at Stone Mountain in 2011. It was just very different from 2009. God still has a lot of work to do in my heart, but I’m grateful that He is faithful to finish what He has started in me… and in Anne. Our Anne is precious – and I am grateful for all of the parts of her that work well – and even the parts that don’t :-)