Struggling with Christmas

I just got home from our church’s Christmas program rehearsal. Three of us are particpating in it, so it was a busy night!

Tonight’s rehearsal crystalized some thoughts for me – as I’ve been wrestling with why I’m struggling with Christmas this year. I didn’t want to put up the tree, but I did it- for the kids’ sake. I didn’t want to deal with presents or wrapping paper. I don’t like seeing all the lights. It’s all so painful – b/c it’s all tainted with grief.

I think for the first time in my life, I find myself wanting to push past all of this christmas-y stuff – and find Jesus. I have this image in my mind of unwrapping this huge box that is covered with commercial christmas paraphernalia. And the box is really hard to unwrap and open – layers and layers and layers of paper and packing tape and packing material – to finally uncover the tiny Christ child – hiding in the bottom of the box.

Thinking of the Holy Night of Christmas requires discipline to be still – but thankfully, it is where I’ve found comfort this Christmas season…

And I’ve needed comfort… I am taking Anne to the neurologist tomorrow morning b/c we think she might be having seizures. We’ve been calling them “episodes.” She’ll zone out and jerk her body slowly. They last anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 or 3 minutes and they are SO difficult to watch. It’s just a painful reminder that my sweet little girl has a serious brain injury.

Will you pray for us tomorrow morning?

  1. that the neurologist will have wisdom to properly diagnose Anne, and
  2. that I wouldn’t get so anxious when these episodes do happen, and finally,
  3. that they would DISAPPEAR :-)

Trying to find Jesus at the bottom of the box… -kathryn

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