Sorry for the silence… Old-man grief came out of his hiding place to surprise me once again. I don’t know why I’m surprised – it’s Christmas after all.
I think what really did me in was going to Stone Mountain… My mom (being the extremely generous mom that she is) gave us a trip to Stone Mountain for Christmas… so we packed up and headed east for a one night’s stay at the Stone Mountain Inn for a bit of (fake) snow fun.
We spent a weekend at Stone Mountain in May 2009 – one year before the accident. Anne loved it.
I know I shouldn’t compare. It’s fruitless and worst of all… it’s painful. I just miss that Anne so much sometimes.
I’m still struggling with acceptance… I’m just not at peace with this new life God has called our family into. I don’t like how difficult it is; it’s tough living moment by moment… and right now I just feel like a whiny, cry-baby. I don’t know how to get to acceptance*. I think it has something to do with giving up control, releasing expectations, trusting that God is good, trusting that God will help me with this huge responsibility He’s given me – all the while continuing to fight and push to provide the best care to help Anne reach her maximum potential (*paraphrased from Stephanie Hubach’s book, Same Lake, Different Boat). No wonder I’m struggling with acceptance – that all sounds impossible! Thankfully – God (alone) can do it for me.
All things considered, our family had a good time at Stone Mountain in 2011. It was just very different from 2009. God still has a lot of work to do in my heart, but I’m grateful that He is faithful to finish what He has started in me… and in Anne. Our Anne is precious – and I am grateful for all of the parts of her that work well – and even the parts that don’t :-)
6 thoughts on “Grief, Silence and lots of stomping.”
Thank you once again for your honesty. Our emotions are human…and our God is bigger than our human-ness. Hallelujah! He can heal Anne’s body and He can heal our hurts as well.
You are right – Who can not love this girl? She is lovable – injuries or not!
I adore the Jackson’s! Keep the heart expressions coming!
Oh, friend…I’m grieving with you. And believing with you. Dear God, bless Kathryn – and Anne and Eric and Canon and Kate – with an extra-special sense of your presence and peace today…and every day. Amen.
You have the right to be as honest as you want to be anytime you want to be! I’d feel the same way, I’m sure! It’s a tremendous responsibility! But God wouldn’t have given it to you unless he knew you could handle it! I know that’s hard to grasp and believe, but it’s so! He doesn’t give any of us anything we can’t handle. But we’ve got to have faith that he will be with us and see us through anything! I know saying the words and reading he words are easier than doing them. But we can! You can! Never give up! Always be thankful for what you have! God’s not finished with you. He’s not finished with Anne, and He’s not finished with your family yet! Take one day at a time! Share anything you want to anytime! We’re here as your prayer warriors and we’re not going anywhere!
Take care and God bless! 2012 is going to be a great year!
Kathryn, You are a blessing. As of last week I am now a member of Christ Church and love my new church family. Inthe elder interview Chuck Francies asked me why I wanted to become a member of Christ Church and no longer work a Christ Church. I told him because of one family . The jackson family. Kathryn has taught me so much about Gods love and staying strong.. I was not brought up in a faith based family. Please let me know if you ever need anything….. love to all the Jacksons………………..
You just made my year. That has to be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so much Alice. You brought joy into my grief!