Sometimes I just want to fly – but I’m grounded. I’m grounded by responsibility. I’m grounded by disability. I’m grounded by lack of vision, purpose. I’m grounded by a small heart closed up in my small world of caring for my small children.
But Anne’s not small. Her heart is large. She loves. She laughs. And she longs. She’s grounded too. Yet she flies. How does she do that?
In my years of being a Christian, all I’ve ever wanted is for my life to count for something larger than myself. To multiply my small efforts and make a difference in this world. I’ve longed for purpose. I want to matter.
I look back at my life – and I’ve tried to fly. I’ve pursued things that seemed to matter. But God always pushes me back down to earth – back to my home – back to my family – back to sitting with Anne. The Anne who can’t walk – who is absolutely dependent for every significant movement. This Anne. This life. Does it matter? I think God wants to show me that it does. I think He’s trying to teach me. I think I’m a slow learner.
Somehow, I need to learn to fly while grounded. For now, I’ll ask for help to obey in the moment. And maybe one day, I’ll look back and see that each step of obedience was a slow ascent to flight. And I’ll laugh. And so will Anne. And we will fly together.
Crayons In My Water 
Great post. Thanks for sharing. It puts things in perspective. I agree w/ you in that I want my life to matter, & many times it seems to be in ways that are not my plan, but His plan. “Obey in the moment” one step at a time… amen. Reminds me of what I heard before – do you know the only way to eat an elephant?? One bite at a time
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I’ve often discovered that God has indeed answered my prayers…..it’s just taken a willingness on my part, to have it “look differently” than I imagined.
And I’ve often been reminded that, other’s on the outside see things I’m too close to comprehend. Like: I can only see the dots (and yes, even marvel at them-their color/their existence)….and others see, from afar, the detailed pictures those dots actually create.
Over the years, my vision and understanding, have both changed/are changing still….and I’ve discovered/am discovering in new/deeper ways, He’s been answering all along.
Yes, you will fly.
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Never a day without our loving prayers for the five of you! Cathy
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