Mean Anne

Anne’s turned mean. And it’s breaking my heart.

My rational mind knows that she’s almost 13 with rushing hormones. She’s angry that she can’t walk. She’s angry that she can’t get herself water when she’s thirsty. She’s just angry. There’s no parenting manual for shepherding a brain-injured child through the tumultuous teen years! Anne’s new school schedule is making it worse. Again, I understand. Change isn’t easy. But every time Anne spews angry words my heart twists.

Why? Why am I so broken by Anne’s anger? 

Because I’ve told myself that God is redeeming Anne’s brain injury by shining his character through her life. Her simple child-like faith, her kindness, her joy – they all point to Jesus. So when her beautiful spirit is spoiled by anger, my heart fills with doubt.

Is God still good? Is he still working through Anne? Will he continue to use our family to reveal his redemptive ways? Is he still faithful?

Oh, how faith crumbles when we look to temporary circumstances instead of his eternal Word. I read Psalm 84 this morning and was struck by the imagery of God’s goodness pouring down on his people. I wept. And prayed for eyes to see God’s goodness pour down.

Psalm 27:13-14
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

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8 thoughts on “Mean Anne

  1. Ruth Cox says:

    Always. Friend. Always your epiphany and Scripture and faith minister to my need in my circle. Thank you for being a mentor just by walking thru your circumstances and wrestling with your God.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am sending you positive thoughts because I know how it feels when the ones we care for become hostile. My daughter went through a very rough time over a year ago and she took her anger out on me–both verbally and physically. It was very hard because I have devoted my life to caring for her. I wanted to give up, which scared me. But you are correct in identifying the wave of negative emotion as situational frustration and not true anger at you. Although it seems impossible, you must care for your own heart, too, during this time of upheaval. And know that this too shall pass. May Peace find you and Ann. Praying for you all!

    Like

  3. Ruth King says:

    Dear sweet Kathryn,
    Yes, your life speaks to others…..at least me. There are “thorns* we bear that may never go away, yet, you are correct…he uses them to give us an opportunity to make him look good. Ouch. Do I like it? Would I choose it? NO! But he puts people like you and Anne in my life to remind me that he IS good, and good ALL the time. Thank you Kathryn! I will pray for you as you continue this journey of glorifying our Abba Father, Savior Jesus and Helper Holy Spirit. Love you.

    Like

  4. Elaine LaCour says:

    Dear Kathryn,
    Thank you for your transparency in sharing the deepest struggles of raising a special needs child. You have reminded us all that in the darkest times we must look to Scripture for hope and for comfort.
    Elaine

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lu says:

    Dearest Bone-weary Mama with the sad heart:
    He has NOT forsaken thee. NEVER will He leave thee and of COURSE He will ALWAYS use you, your life and your family…what’s woven cannot be unraveled! He shines thru even now.
    AND
    I’m soooo sorry that this is part of your journey together. May you ALWAYS remember “the more” of the story….the zillion colorful shards that turn your lives into a glass prism thru which His brilliant light may shine. Dark colors are needed to make the light stand out all the more.
    Lifting you up thru all the twists and turns.
    Love you.

    Like

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