CaringBridge Journal

Given to me twice

Yesterday – my friend, Hilarie Jones, wrote in the guestbook in response to my last journal entry… “Passionate and complex or docile and simple she is still your same little Anne – a precious gift from God – given to you twice.”

Have you ever read something – and immediately the Holy Spirit uses it to transform your heart in an instant? Well, that’s what Hilarie’s comment did for me…

Reading her words reminded me of when I was pregnant with Anne. During the whole 1st half of the pregnancy, I was convinced Anne was a boy. Mainly, because I was terrified of having a girl! At that point in my life, I had been wrestling with daddy/daughter and feminity issues, so not only did I feel incompetent, but incapable of raising a girl. When the ultrasound tech said she was a girl, I wept. I felt like God was saying, “Kathryn, I entrust you with this girl, because I am sufficient.” It was like a personal promise to equip me for the task and also to heal my emotional woundedness – which He has faithfully done over the last five years…

So now God, in His tender mercies, is giving me Anne again – bit by bit, strand by strand, layer by layer. I feel like God is calling me to savor each part of her as I wait for Him to reveal his masterpiece (called Anne) in His timing. What a sweet gift!

-kathryn

Looking back…

I just spent a little time re-reading Anne’s journal entries from the last few months…

She has come so far. I needed to be reminded of God’s faithfulness because I’ve been feeling discouraged lately. I shouldn’t :-) I realized today that God has restored Anne to exactly where she needed to be to come home. She can sit, and she is emotionally stable. Those were my two main prayers for Anne, and God answered.

I guess I’ve just been a little sad watching Anne at home. She’s so docile… and simple. Anne used to be volatile and complex, so it’s tough for me to have such a different child at home. I miss my passionate Anne…

God is good. If Anne were her passionate self, I know she wouldn’t be handling her physical limitations as well as she is now. I just pray that Anne will continue to progress – that I will one day see my passionate and complex Anne again. I miss her terribly.

…trying to focus on God’s faithfulness -kathryn

Day Rehab…

Wow! Day Rehab is awesome!! All the therapists work together as a team to accomplish Anne’s goals. The support staff is amazing – even working with Anne during the entire lunch hour to keep her food off the floor and in her mouth :-)

The best thing about Day Rehab is that at the end of the day, Anne gets to go HOME!

Anne after her 1st day at Day Rehab

Please pray for wisdom for all of Anne’s primary therapists as they evaluate her over the next two days. Based on their evaluations, they’ll set her goals and determine their course of action.

Our prayer for Anne is that she will be writing, reading and walking by the time she leaves Day Rehab. For that to happen, she needs to make drastic improvements in her focus and attention skills. We’ll see what God does :-)

-kathryn

God’s sovereign hand

So amazing it is to look back and see God’s sovereign, good hand at work in our lives. Examples:

  1. Two months prior to the accident, Kathryn had been praying with Canon that God would use our family to glorify Himself and that we needed to trust and obey God through trials that we face.
  2. God made it clear that we needed to be open handed with our possessions – thus causing us to reduce possessions several months prior to the accident. These resources can now can be used for little Anne’s rehab and the lack of those possessions help us focus on what is important.
  3. A number of months ago, God pricked our interest in the topic of the existence of suffering in a world created by a good God, so we read some on the topic. It helped to know Biblical truths during this journey.
  4. Many of the relationships that God engineered in our lives have been an incredible influence during this time.

oh, i suppose it is all just coincidence. . . . . HA! not a chance!! :-)

1 Cor 1:18 – For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

-eric

Wow,

…Anne is home. Anne has really done so well adjusting to home – even with the juxtaposition of having many new experiences for Anne mixed into the familiarity of home:

  • she has learned to sit on her own for 5 minutes or so before falling over.
  • Anne has continued to eat really well, although she still makes an enormous mess :-)
  • she is sleeping better here than at the hospital
  • she seems happy and is only fussy when hungry or constipated
  • we took her to the pool and she enjoyed a short water therapy session

Canon and Kate have been really sweet and are always wanting to assist Anne. Anne pokes their eyes, pulls their hair, and squeezes their noses, but Canon and Kate just love on her. Tonight Kate said to Anne right after Anne pulled Kate’s hair – “I love you, Anne”. Somehow at 4 years old, Kate understands where Anne is in her recovery and is willing to be on the journey with Anne – only God could make that happen.

Pray for Kathryn – it has been hard: While at the hospital, the comparison was the miracle of Anne moving from the stillness and silence of the PICU to Anne’s speech and movement while at inpatient rehab . . . . but at home, we are much more reminded of (and mentally compare her to) Anne’s little person prior to the accident. So we continue to have joy through some tears when remembering the past . . . . but we know God calls us to be in the present with Him . . . . and Anne.

The day rehab program starts on Monday, so our journey continues. . .

Pray that Anne will continue to heal! We have three goals for our stint at day rehab – Reading, Writing, and Walking. Please pray that God heals Anne in these ways.

-eric

Anne’s at HOME!!!!!

I expected to be very emotional when we left the hospital, but I wasn’t. I didn’t cry until we pulled into our driveway and saw balloons, streamers and “Welcome Home Anne” signs. We do have good friends.

Lunch was a comedy of errors. Anne continually dropped her food on the floor. Kate, being the helpful sister, would pick it up. But every time Kate bent over to pick up Anne’s food, Anne would grab her hair. About this time, the Orkin man shows up to spray for bugs. Great.

Anne and Kate are now having a ‘not-so-quiet’ quiet time in their room right now. Both of them need to rest, but I think they’re too excited to do so. Anne seemed very happy to be in her room. It was heart-warming to see.

We’ll start day-rehab on Monday. They’ll spend three days evaluating Anne and then we’ll make a plan based on her current progress, future goals and insurance coverage. Until then, we plan to relax at home and maybe try to go to the pool. Anne loves the water :-)

-kathryn

Pray for our transition to home…

It’s interesting how the dynamics between Canon and Kate have changed while Anne has been away… Canon and Kate are both more easy going and fun loving than Anne. Before, Anne was the little “director,” telling Canon and Kate just what characters they would play in that day’s version of pretend. Canon and Kate rarely fought. It was typically passionate Anne that sparked conflict with either Canon or Kate.

Now, Canon and Kate fight constantly. There are obvious reasons for this – as their world has been turned upside down – and all the grief and anxiety plays out in their bickering. But alot of their conflict simply comes from Anne’s personality not being here to direct them. It’s as though they are lost without their director to tell them how to play…

I think it will be equally difficult when Anne comes home…

Physically, Anne is the equivalent to a six-month-old baby (with only one working hand). She sits, but is still wobbly. She explores with her hand – grabbing everything and putting it directly in her mouth. She can feed herself with her fingers, but can’t use a spoon or fork. She requires diapering and has to be carried everywhere.

Cognitively, Anne expresses herself with the simplicity of a two-year old, yet has more advanced people skills than even her old self. She has lost her shyness, has impeccable manners, good conversation skills and a sweet smile :-)

Please pray for our whole family as we make the transition to bring Anne home. I will have to lean on Canon and Kate to help me keep Anne safe. Kate might have difficulty having more of a “big sister” role with Anne – especially dealing with her physical limitations. Please pray for us all to adapt to our new family life.

Despite the challenges that are ahead, we’re still very excited :-) Two days ’til Anne comes home!!!

Expectantly, kathryn

Happy Father’s Day!

I’ve never been more grateful to be married to Eric than I have during this trial. He has been such a steady, calm influence on me and the kids. He never complains and remains thankful for all God has provided for Anne and our family. God has ordained it so that the times I am tempted to despair, Eric seems especially hopeful. Eric has been a tangible, living rock for our family because of his unwavering faith in the goodness of God. He is an amazing man!

Anne continues to make progress little by little. My current challenge is not to compare her to before the accident, but to accept this new version of Anne. She is sweet and witty – a real joy to be around.

Another challenge for me is to stay tethered to my saviour. As Anne has improved, my constant awareness of my need for Jesus has wained. This morning we sang one of my favorite hymns… The last stanza is my prayer:

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Eric and I have been deeply impacted by the way our church and community have cared for and supported us. Attending church and seeing how many people know, love and care for Canon and Kate is such a gift. This is God’s covenant family caring for their own. How humbling and rich it is to be the one cared for. We are forever changed because of it!

Thank you for praying and loving us so well…

Looking forward to Thursday (Anne’s homecoming)! -kathryn

An end to fussiness

Anne has had an especially good few days. She’s sitting and standing better. She’s also got more fluidity in her walking movements.

I think the largest improvement has been in her fussiness. Over the weekend, Eric thought she might be constipated, and boy was he right! The cork came out on Monday and now we’ve settled into a rhythm… Each afternoon, she gets fussy; we give her a supository; she has a bowel movement, and voila – she’s calm and quiet the rest of the evening. It’s amazing actually!

Originally, today was supposed to be her discharge date. I’m thankful she has one more week… She’s improved so much just in the last week. I think I’m ready to bring her home.

Our prayer requests from Tuesday are still relevant today…

  1. that Anne would gain more control over her thoughts so that she is better able to focus in therapy and communicate her needs,
  2. that Anne would continue to make strides in her sitting and walking. She’s doing much better in these areas…
  3. Currently, Anne puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. Pray that she will be able to inhibit this impulse and gain appropriate function of her right and left hands.
  4. That she would be especially aware of God’s presence and peace as she struggles through her recovery.

Gratefully, kathryn