…Anne was practicing cheerleading moves in our living room. We had battled through food sensitivity issues, anger and behavior issues and hyper-sensitivity issues. Everyone outside our family could not believe that Anne was anything but the quiet, perfect little angel she showed to the outside world. But Anne had turned the corner on all of her “issues.” She was becoming that perfect little angel at home too. She would obey with a good attitude. She loved to help me with all of the household chores – especially cleaning and cooking. She was intelligent, artistic and sensitive – and a bit bossy. But hey, nobody’s perfect :-)
Now, I am dealing with all of those old issues. Her seizure medication is making her tired and irritable. She gets so angry when she doesn’t get her way – especially at me. She bites, hits, pulls my hair and likes to call me “stupid mommy” for the sole reason that we don’t allow the “s” word in our house. She is making progress, but it’s oh so slow. At night, my mind races through strategy after strategy to help Anne. Be it nutrition, or therapy goals or reading strategies, I have tons of ideas, but not enough time to implement them. It all leads me to feel overwhelmed and discouraged.
And God just seems hidden. It’s scriptural for God to be hidden sometimes. He’s hidden through most of Job. And when He reveals himself, Job is left shaken and repentant. Even though He’s hidden, that doesn’t mean He’s absent or aloof. I choose to believe that He has a plan for Anne and our family. We might be in a dark part of the journey, but it won’t be dark forever. He’ll give us light, just when we need it the most. In the interim, we must wait and take each step by faith. Faith in God’s good character. Faith in God’s sovereign hand. Faith in God’s tender mercies. Faith in His love for each one of us, and for Anne.
The days leading up to 4/13 will be difficult for me. One side of me hates that day. I hate what it’s done to Anne and our family. But the other side of me knows that God intends good to come out of it. God’s word demonstrates repetitively how He brings good out of the broken. I pray He does that for Anne …and for me.
- That we will find the right medication to control Anne’s seizures – without negative side effects;
- That we would not feel overwhelmed or discouraged and find comfort in God despite our circumstances, and
- That God would help Anne to make progress in her walking, reading & writing.
Thank you! -kathryn