My friend and I were talking yesterday about how we put so much energy into being comfortable. Don’t ask me to take risks or make sacrifices – that’s not comfortable. We try to avoid pain at all costs… emotional, physical, spiritual – you name it… we want to avoid it. But I think about the richest times in my life – or the times when I’ve learned or grown the most – and it’s always when I’ve felt the weakest. How can we truly know that God is sufficient and will meet all of our needs – if we put all of our energy into creating bubbles in which we feel competent and secure?? Thankfully, God loves us enough to burst open those bubbles…
I remember my first “hard” decision as a young Christian. I was in college, and my relationship with my mother was… uncomfortable and painful – so trying to avoid spending time with her, I asked if I could go on a summer mission trip overseas. She refused to give me permission as she thought me traveling to a predominantly Muslim country in the middle east was too dangerous. She was probably right – but I was so ANGRY. I seriously considered going on the trip anyway – but I submitted to what I knew God was asking me to do… honor my mother and stay home that summer. I remember crying on my drive home – telling God that “I could not stay home and do nothing all summer and somehow be kind to my mother and SURVIVE.” But God did it for me, and my relationship with my mother is still reaping rewards from that decision. God made it good.
The next year I was faced with another “hard” decision. I had to choose between doing something easy and fun or doing something I was terrified of. It was impossible to do both… So I quit the flag line and chose to lead my first discipleship group in college. I had never led a bible study before – and I remember begging God to help me – and He multiplied my weakness as I poured myself into those 4 girls – and we shared our faith and we saw other girls who wanted to grow and learn about Jesus, so I encouraged my four girls to start bible studies and before we knew it God had multiplied our one group of 5 girls into five groups with over 40 college students. That’s something God did, because I couldn’t.
And so here I am – faced with raising and nurturing a brain injured child. I’m still operating in a “one moment at a time” system. I can’t think past next week – it’s too overwhelming… you know why? Because I can’t do this!! But there lies the beauty. This is where I get to see God work – where He takes over in my weakness and builds something amazing and good out of it all. I’ve seen Him do it before. I’m trusting He’ll do it again :-)
And so He says to me… “Congratulations!!! You can’t do this!” Our weakness is a gift – because only then do we experience God’s sufficiency as He carries us through.*I have to give credit to my friend Megan for the title of this post. Those are her words… not mine :-)