A book I’ve been reading, A Praying Life, uses the concept of story to paint how God chooses to answer or not answer our prayers.
Many times we get discouraged by unanswered prayer – but if we take a wide angle view, we begin to understand that God is weaving His story into our lives… if we let Him. Each day we have the choice to join the BIG story of God saving the world and us along with it – or to put blinders on and just survive the day. If you’re anything like me (and let’s hope you’re not) I jump in and out of the story throughout the day.
I typically start the day in a stupor – feebly asking for help to get through the day – and then carpool begins, and then my real challenge begins… Kate. I’m homeschooling Kate this year because she’s been neglected since Anne’s accident – and it shows. Every day is different – except for the tears. I think one of us has cried every day since school started… except for last Thursday – and that’s just because she was gone on a field trip all day.
Kate’s stubborn and angry heart is like hitting a wall – which leads me to pray. There is no way I can change her heart – that can only be done by God. And then other times, the same wall that causes me to pray – makes me frustrated and angry, and I feel like screaming (which I have done a few times). So, I’m jumping in and out of the story – I jump in – and admit my helplessness and beg God to give me wisdom.. and patience. I need lots of patience… and then I jump out and fail miserably – which leads me to jump back in and ask God for forgiveness and help.
The good news is that God is gracious – and during this time of wrestling with both Kate’s and my own heart, He is patient and waiting for me to turn to Him. I find when I start the day admitting my desperate need to shepherd Kate and begging Him to give her a soft, teachable heart – well sometimes, Kate is her old, sweet self again, delightful, joyful and fun. And other times, she is hard, but we are able to work through the stubbornness and find submission. God is there, waiting to help me.
A little consistency would be nice. I need help staying in the story.
2 thoughts on “Staying in the story”
May He grant you wisdom and may He show/open/point the way to/for you to discover a zillion different ways to help Kate on her journey.
May He give you laughter, humor, sillliness, patience and clarity.
May He help you fall deeply in love with your daughter in ways you never fathomed…so that even her stubborness, anger and hurt don’t trigger anything in you other than an endless outpouring of love and kindness.
Unrelated but a tiny bit the same: I’d prayed and prayed to be able to handle the seizures Mocha’s barking caused (and yes, I did discover some ways)…..and suddenly I realized a different need, and prayed to fall in love with her voice exactly as it is. What a HUGE difference on an entirely different level.
May you fall in love with Kate exaclty as she is, embracing all the feelings exaclty as they are (hers and yours) and then, with this differentness in you both, may you find new ways to do old things.
Sending lots of love and prayer-songs and warm support…..
I think one of us has cried every day since school started… except for last Thursday – and that’s just because she was gone on a field trip all day. I loved this sentence!!! :)