Ensemble

It has been almost a year since I sang in the worship ensemble at church. Even though I’m mediocre at best, singing brings me so much joy.

Yesterday we sang Chris Tomlin’s “God of This City” …which for anyone who faithfully follows Anne’s CaringBridge site knows – is one of “Anne’s songs.” We change the lyrics in the chorus to say, “Greater things are yet to come, and Greater things are still to be done in our Annie-B.” Thankfully, I sang the correct lyrics and didn’t cry during the song :-)

But I did cry during “Our God Saves.” It’s my deepest cry for Anne – that God would give her a saving faith. That somehow her tragedy would be used for her future glory…

Chorus:
Our God saves, our God saves;
There is hope in Your name;
Mourning turns to songs of praise;
Our God saves, our God saves.

Jumping Right In

I think one of the unexpected benefits of maintaining Anne’s Caring Bridge site is the sense of connectedness I feel knowing that others will read and pray.  Caring for a disabled child is isolating just for the sole reason that it takes so much work and time.  It’s like being thrown back to caring for a newborn  (except multiply the doctor’s appointments 100x !)

I also enjoy writing as a means of processing the lessons God is teaching me.  Writing helps crystallize thoughts and catalyzes the hard process of moving head knowledge to the heart.

So there it is…  my twofold reason for beginning a blog: to feel connected to the outside world and to record God’s work in my life (as well as my family’s lives).  I think I’ll keep my blog private until I have my “blogging legs underneath me.”  So (hopefully) there are a few months of archives for you to enjoy (if you have the time…)

“Terrific Kid”

Award Day at school

Anne received an award at school today! She was recognized as a “Terrific Kid” who demostrates “a positive attitude, good character and responsible citizenship.”

Canon is a proud big brother

Anne’s teacher was very kind to give this award to Anne as a means of encouragement to her and to us, her family! We were all present and watched as Anne received her award in front of the PreK, K and 1st graders.

Anne went to her third hippotherapy session today. She LOVES riding and is showing improvement each week :-)

Thank you for your continued prayers.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen” Eph. 3:20-21.

Good progress…

Anne has made good progress since starting school in January.

She has her own walker that she uses with the PT at school. Anne started at the beginning of the month walking 75 ft. and has increased her distance to 150ft.

Anne has had problems keeping her legs straight when she walks. She “scissors” her legs – or crosses them over each other as she walks. Lately, her scissoring has decreased, and she is walking with a more normal gait.

Anne couldn’t count very well when she started school, but now she can easily count to 20.

Her oral fixation is improving slightly. A few weekends ago, our family was eating at a restaurant with close friends. At this restaurant, they give the kids a huge bucket of crayons and paper. I sat, waiting for Anne to pick up a fistful of crayons and drop them on the floor or throw them across the table, and then eat the rest of them! But she didn’t. She picked up one crayon, held it with the correct tripod grasp, scribbled and placed the crayon back in the bucket. She colored with lots of different crayons, always putting them back in the bucket, and only one crayon went in her mouth! We were thrilled!

She’s slowly getting better at tracing her letters with her right index finger. She can trace T, L and E easily and is starting to do well at A, N and W.

Anne is continuing to gain more self awareness. She is often angry and frustrated, especially at night. She talks about how she is angry at God for letting the car crash happen. She also gets angry at me when I have to dress her, brush her hair or help her go to the bathroom.

She has been kinder to Kate lately, showing her affection and telling her, “I love you Kate!”. She continues to play well with canon. Their imaginary worlds and games are getting more complicated as Anne makes more cognitive gains.

Her language skills continue to improve. Her sentence structure is excellent, and she corrects our grammar at every opportunity. Her memory for song lyrics is unusually astute. Today she said to me while I was singing, “No mommy. It’s ‘took’ not ‘takes.'” Seriously?!

Her private OT sessions are very challenging for Anne. They are working her left hand very hard. It takes so much effort for her to even try to move her left arm or squeeze her left hand. She usually leaves those sessions exhausted…

In the hospital, I would tell her that God was helping her to get better every day. Anne would always ask, “even today?” And I would respond, “Yes, Anne. Even today.”

I still tell her that God is helping her to get better and better every day. And she still asks, “even today?” And I say… “Yes Anne. Especially today.”

Trying to trust God with my little girl… -kathryn

Unknown…

I feel like that word describes most of my life right now.

Will Anne ever walk again? Unknown
Will Anne ever NOT need diapers? Unknown
Will Anne ever progress past Kindergarten material? Unknown
Where will Canon and Kate go to school next year? Unknown
Will Anne grow out of her temper-tantrum phase? Unknown
How will God provide for all of our needs? Unknown

I could go on and on and on. I’ve never felt so out of control in my whole life.

From a wide angle perspective, that’s a good place to be… broken and dependent on God’s perfect provision. But from a narrow, nitty-gritty perspective – well, lots of colorful adjectives come to mind, but I’ll just say… it’s hard.

Bottomline… I’m struggling with trust. Sweet Canon was weeping over Anne the other day, and I go into my speech about how we are in a dark tunnel, and it’s a hard place to be, but the tunnel WILL END, and God is with us in the tunnel. And Canon just cried, “But I don’t feel Him in the tunnel. Where is He?” And I just held him tight and said nothing, because I’ve been feeling the same way.

Truth vs. feelings… Do we trust in the staff of God’s word? I will never leave you or forsake you… I am with you always. I delight over you. Have I not commanded you…be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? I lift my eyes up to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from You, maker of heaven and earth.

Thank you to everyone I see that tells me that you follow us on Caring Bridge. It’s a reminder to me that we are not alone on this journey, but we have myriads of God’s people praying for us.

Would you please pray for the following:

  1. That there would be an end to diapers. That Anne would learn to use the potty again.
  2. That Anne would gain endurance and not get SO tired and difficult in the evenings.
  3. That Anne’s attention and impulsivity would continue to improve.
  4. That Anne’s desire to break the rules would wane, and her desire to obey and do what is best would improve.
  5. That Anne would sense God’s presence and know His love for her
  6. That God would give us wisdom for Canon & Kate’s schooling.

Finally, Anne has been talking alot about what she wants to be when she grows up. Amazingly, her list of professions is the same as it was before the accident. She either wants to be a “cooker” or a “teacher.” Cooking and playing school were her favorite activities this time last year. In fact, the morning of the accident, Anne had taken over the entire kitchen creating one of her crazy concoctions. It was almost time to pick up Kate from pre-school, and I said, “Anne, we have to leave soon. Please clean up EVERYTHING…now.” And she obeyed immediately, with no complaints. Sweet, precious Anne. I’ve been praying lately, that she would grow up to be a teacher. I would love it, if others prayed that for Anne too :-)

Thank you! -kathryn

Glimmer of relief

We have struggled a little more lately with the amount of service required to raise little Anne. Sometimes we have just felt tired. We pray that Anne continues to grow and learn and sharpen because we want what is best for her. But selfishly we also ask God for some relief.

Then a tiny glimmer of relief comes in an unusual way to
me. The scene in our Honda van traveling around town: everyone singing loudly to Christian radio, with Kathryn teaching us to insert a few lyrics of our own to some well known songs. . . . Anne grinning ear to ear:

Brandon Heath’s “Wait and See”

There is hope for Anne yet
Because God won’t forget
All the plans He has for “me”
I have to wait and see …He’s not finished with Anne yet

Chris Tomlin’s “God of this city”

For greater things are yet to come,
And greater things are still to be done in our Annie-B
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in our Annie-B

I get a giant lump in my throat when I sing that Chris
Tomlin song with Annie-B inserted. God is so personal and close to give us these songs, to give us Kathryn who can ‘see’
to change these songs for Anne, to give little Anne back to us, and to give us the chance to wrestle with him as a family through this difficulty which molds our character a little more to His likeness.

-eric

Hippotherapy

1-20-2011

Anne had her first hippotherapy session today. (Hippo is greek for horse.)

Hippotherapy will help Anne’s balance, coordination and her ability to know where she is in space. When the horse moves, Anne has to use BOTH sides of her body to balance. I’m very thankful to have a hippotherapy clinic so close to our home.

I didn’t know how Anne would react to being on the horse… but she did GREAT! She wasn’t afraid and was genuinely excited. The therapy session definitely challenged her – especially when they turned Anne around so she was riding backwards on the horse. I look forward to seeing how she responds to more therapy sessions!

A child’s grief

Anne has started showing more signs of self awareness, and she’s also asking some difficult questions…

“I’m sad that i have a brain injury, dada.”
“Mama, I’m sad that i can’t walk.”
“Daddy, why did God let me get hurt in the accident?”

And Canon has begun to process his grief….

Weeping, Canon said, “I cant imagine Anne ever getting better. I can’t imagine her ever walking. I just want things to go back to the way they were before the accident. I want to go back to that day and tell you to go a different way, mommy.”

There are no easy answers for our 6 and 8 year old children. They reflect my own questions and grief. God in his goodness has met us in our grief and uncertainty. And he will continue to walk us through this tunnel to the end.

Please pray for us as we seek wisdom and comfort.
Thank you :-) -kathryn

Anne knows her daddy!

We just finished letting the girls watch a few cartoons. Anne said, “Daddy, Can I watch another episode?”

Eric reached down to get the remote control, and Anne said… (imagine the tone of a condescending wife) “I know what you’re doing. You’re going to watch football.”

She knows her Daddy well!! Go Hawks!!! (Seahawks, that is :-)