Truth

Merry Christmas!

Well, Almost. . . . . . Kate(4) has enthusaistically asked me every day this week – “is tomorrow Christmas?” Little Anne, catching wind of these discussions has started asking me – “is today Christmas?” i suppose the theory being, if i keep asking maybe mom and dad will eventually give in and say that today IS Christmas :-)

Little Anne had a really good day yesterday. . . she just seemed a little more lucid and ‘with it’. After a strenuous OT session, she asked Kathryn on the drive home – “i’m tired, i worked so hard today, can we go to Wendy’s?” Her conversation just seemed a bit more normal and the tone in her voice seemed more herself. She seemed to switch topics less frequently and kept on-track.

Over breakfast, as Canon(8) and i were discussing our new family dynamics and how God still has a good plan for Anne and for us amidst the difficulty, Canon reminded me: “Daddy, its like the story of Joseph!” How so, i asked. Canon suggested that just like Joseph’s trip down the dark well of hopelessness, God made it all for blessing and for good – and for His purposes!

Kathryn and i have been a bit more anxious (and even sad) these past 2 weeks as we consider little Anne’s challenges and how she loved Christmas last year. Canon’s Jospeh account that God is writing a story that will glorify Him through the weakness of a child (Anne) is amazing wisdom. What a great thing for me to remember as we focus not on ourselves, but on the Christ-child. . . . . through the weakness of a baby, God chose to save us!

-eric

Dark days

Sorry that we haven’t posted in a while… Sometimes we don’t post because there just isn’t much to report – or it could be because we’re insanely busy… But this time it’s because I’ve been unusually sad. I don’t know whether it’s the Christmas season or other circumstances, but I just feel spent and downcast.

I’ve experienced enough dark seasons in my life to know that it won’t always be like this! One day I’ll look back at this Christmas, and be SO thankful that I’ve lived through it and don’t have to go back :-)

But something I read tonight encouraged me a little… It’s from December 13th’s entry of Streams in the Desert:

“Sometimes the darkness in our lives is worse, because we cannot even see the web we are weaving or understand what we are doing. Therefore we are unable to see any beauty or any possible good arising from our experience. Yet if we are faithful to forge ahead and ‘if we do not give up’ (Gal. 6:9), someday we will know that the most exquisite work of our lives was done during the days when it was the darkest.”

Oh I hope it is true!

…I am taking Anne to visit her new teacher tomorrow. Please pray for God to use her and the other students in Anne’s class for good in Anne’s life – and for God to use Anne for good in their lives as well.

Forging ahead :-) – kathryn

God works all things together for good…

I can’t believe how this week has flown by. It’s been another busy week full of appointments and therapy. Anne continues to do well – taking each new place and person in stride.

Eric and I have been reminded this week of the ways God is using Anne’s injury for good…

First of all, we see good for Anne. Before, Anne was very shy and reserved. She saved her affections for a select few. She was paralyzed in a way by her concern over what others thought of her. it was our constant prayer that God would remove her self-absorption. Anne’s injury has helped to remove her self protective filters, so she is free to express what she feels. What we are left with is an extremely loving little girl.

Secondly, we see good for Kate. Anne was very controlling of Kate before the accident. Without Anne’s constant directing, Kate has blossomed into more of herself – which is a highly energetic, fun-loving, spirited little girl.

Lastly we see good in how God is shaping our character. He is molding Canon into a more compassionate little boy and rooting out the selfishness in Eric and me. It is painful, but good!

I’ll end with a brief bit of news. After a marathon meeting with the school system- at which we outlined all of her goals and requirements, Anne is set to start school in January! Everyone from the school system has been wonderful and has really strived to provide the very best services for Anne. I could not be more pleased :-)

Thank you for your continued prayers. We are grateful beyond words for the constant encouragement we receive from your comments and prayers for our family. Humbly, kathryn

Relentless

I’ve been a bit discouraged lately about something (that will probably sound strange) …Anne’s feet. I’ve always taken feet for granted. I find myself watching people’s feet now – how without even thinking about it, people can place their feet flat on the floor – without their ankles rolling or without going up on their tiptoes. I watch Kate jump – and I’m just amazed at the complexity of the brain – working the muscles and controlling the balance just so – to actually jump and land – solidly on flat feet.

Anne’s feet are always pointed in and down. She can’t stand without braces to hold her feet at a 90 degree angle and to keep her ankles from rolling. It takes a minimum of 10 minutes for me to stretch her feet to fit in her braces. I can’t just get Anne out of bed and stand her up – no, I have to carry her everywhere until I have the space in my day to stretch her feet out.

Why do I mention this? Well… Anne’s feet represent to me the relentlessness* of disability. It never ends. It’s constant and always with you.

As I was complaining about Anne’s feet to her (awesome) PT this morning, she gently reminded me to be thankful for Anne’s feet… “They’ve improved, Kathryn.” She’s right. I should be thankful :-)

But here’s what I’m really thankful for. I’m thankful that I have to care for a child with a disability. I’m thankful for the relentlessness of it – because it is a physical manifestation* of who I am and who I have always been – completely dependent on God.

Before the accident, I could deceive myself and live as though I didn’t need God – live as if I were not broken and completely dependent on God. We are ALL broken and in need of a saviour, but it’s so easy to live independently of God.

Grieving and caring for Anne is so challenging that rarely am I not aware of my need for Him. And you know what is amazing? Yes, Anne’s needs are relentless – they are always there, but God is more relentless. He pursues me. He comforts me. He comforts Anne. He gives us strength, joy and perseverance. He helps us stay in the moment and not be overwhelmed by the future. HE IS OUR EVERPRESENT HELP IN THIS TIME OF TROUBLE. He is near. He is my God. That is what I am thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving :-) -kathryn

*A few thoughts from this post came from Stephanie Hubach’s book on disability called, Same Lake, Different Boat . I borrowed the word ‘relentless’ from Stephanie’s book. I really resonated with that word… Also the idea of disability being an outward representation of our inner brokenness came from Same Lake, Different Boat . Thanks Stephanie!

Life has been very good lately…

We had a wonderful visit with family yesterday. Eric’s family from France are in the States for a few days. As we gathered with everyone, Anne seemed more lucid. Her eyes were bright, and she seemed less impulsive than usual. It was a good time.

This morning, Anne’s PT visited. It is so clear that she is God’s provision for Anne right now. She spent extended time with Anne, and Anne seemed to perform well for her. The PT is genuinely excited to work with Anne which is so encouraging to me. She’s so knowledgeable and experienced. I’ve learned so much from her already!

One interesting observation she made was that Anne’s muscles have good strength and seem to work well. Her brain just needs to be rewired to move them correctly. This requires that we are consistent with her exercises. She seems to learn quickly – but she doesn’t carry over new skills from day to day. Repetition and consistency are very important for Anne – two things that I do not excel in.

So please pray that I might be disciplined to do Anne’s exercises and also creative to see ways I can incorporate ‘therapy’ into our daily activities.

One last thought. I’ve had more peace about Anne than ever before. I think it stems from two things… First, acknowledging that Anne is forever different is a step toward acceptance – which is one of the stages in grief. In other words, I don’t feel as weighed down by grief as much as before (that could change, but for now, it’s nice :-). Second, I feel like I’m resting more in God’s hand and plan for Anne. It’s easy to place my trust in good things – like therapy, nutrition or Anne’s progress – but ultimately, God has the final say about Anne’s life. It’s refreshing to find rest in God alone.

Thankfully, kathryn

He Knows.

Yesterday I wrote about how I was anxious about the unknown….

This morning I read from the devotional Jesus Calling. (It’s written with Jesus in the first person, as if He were talking to you.)

October 6
Be willing to follow wherever I lead. Follow me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace. Though you don’t know what lies ahead, I know; and that is enough! Some of my richest blessings are just around the bend: out of sight, but nonetheless very real. To receive these gifts, you must walk by faith – not by sight.

From the beginning of this journey until now…. God has always shown up at my lowest lows – to remind me (in a very personal way) that He knows. He knows me; he knows Anne; he knows what was, what is and what will be. He knows; He is sovereign, and He is good; therefore, we will trust in Him.

Thank you for praying with us – for Anne’s healing and for our family to walk by faith and not by sight.

-kathryn

Graduation time!

Tomorrow is Anne’s last day of Day Rehab. They’ll even hold a graduation ceremony for Anne at the end of the day!

The Day Rehab program has been excellent for Anne, but Eric and I both feel good about Anne moving to the next phase of her therapy. She’ll transition to more traditional out-patient therapy. She’ll also go to Kindergarten in the public school system – where they are more equipped to serve Anne.

I don’t know what our new normal will look like. It seems like we will be juggling lots of therapy appointments with school and rest. Poor Anne still gets so tired.

We’re praying that God will bring just the right people into Anne’s life that He can use to push her forward in her recovery. She needs firm, kind therapists and teachers. She needs an especially good speech therapist that will help her reach her potential as she continues to struggle with low attention and increased impulsivity.

There are so many unknowns. I have felt very overwhelmed this week. God has met me through the kindness of friends who drop everything to come help me do laundry, or watch the kids or bring me lunch.

Even though I feel anxious about all the unknowns, Eric is so good about reminding me of what is true. God KNOWS – and He is doing good for our family.

Thank you for praying with us… for just the right people to help Anne – and for the grace to believe in God’s good plan for Anne and our family. Thank you – kathryn

Good Scans & Good Plans

CAT Scan today – the doc said Anne is fine – doesn’t want to see her again in 6 months!! Praise God. The fluid on her brain seems stable, no extra pressure.

i continue to be humbled and amazed at the wonderful outpouring of love for little Anne and our family. So many of you reach out to us even though you have your own difficulties to endure. This continues to impact me and change me.

The current rehab program is not seeing Anne make enough progress to want to extend her – they suugest she just needs time, and a different type of therapy where she can have more dedicated one-on-one sessions. We feel a real peace about this; that little Anne needs a change.

In so many ways Little Anne’s progress has slowed. She continues her oral fixation, and regressed in her eating, and doesn’t seem to be improving in her focus/attention. This is new ground for us. We have given some lip service to the possibility that Anne’s journey may plateau, but had not faced it until now. We cling to God’s promises and seek to stay in present rejoicing in His goodness.

. . . . . then He let’s us see glimers of great hope and reminds us that we are on His timetable, not ours . . . . Anne’s emotions have really begun to change – higher highs and lower lows, gone are the distant, flat expressions – given way to squeals of delight or sobs of sadness or passionate yells at her sister. Sweet Anne also stood (with braces) at the bedside with only her right hand helping to balance her for almost 10 seconds!!

So maybe the changes are still occuring, on the inside, maybe a foundation of neurons are being laid for upcoming new growth. Regardless of whether there is advancement or retreat in little Anne, i was reminded this week of Ecc 12:13 – i may not know or understand His ways, but He is good and He asks me to revere Him in all i do.

keep praying!

-eric

Feet, tricycles and blessings

To continue from our last update. . . . if we work and stretch Anne’s ankles and feet, little Anne is able to place her bare feet on the floor (without her braces!) perfectly flat and stand while we hold and balance her! She yelps the whole time in mild protest, but that just fits with who little Anne is.

At rehab, Anne’s therapists ace bandage her hands to the handlebars of a little tricycle, then strap her feet to the pedals. She has been able to only go around 350 degrees – she always stops in the same place. . . until recently . . . . now she is able to keep pedaling! This shows she can contract and relax her leg muscles in an alternating fashion, like what is required with walking.

We visited Grandad and Grandmom (Papa and Nana). Little Anne so loves her Nana and Papa. It was good to see them dote on her and for her to soak it up. During church, while Nana was speaking from the pulpit, little Anne yelled out multiple times – NANA! NANA! Afterward, Nana, said that she loved Anne cheering her on :-) . We cringed during this worrying that she was disturbing the quiet; others saw it as a blessing.

Kathryn and i work hard at staying in the present. It is so easy for us to worry about a future where Anne may not make it back mentally. She has come so far – it hasn’t even been 5 months. i must admit that it seems like years. We see God’s good hand at EVERY turn. This morning Anne was surrounded by the Bratcher and McKinney girls – they all loved on her and cuddled with her and talked to her. God had a good plan before the foundations of the earth and in that plan included a morning such as this – all for little Anne – just to bless her and show me that HE cares about even the little things, and especially Anne.

Please keep praying:

  1. That her walking will continue to improve
  2. That her focus and attention will improve so that she can particpate in group activities
  3. That God will give her a clear and crisp mind, and
  4. That she would be aware of God’s presence and care for her.

-eric

Erin and Stacy

Today was the first Sunday of the fall schedule at our church. All the kids moved up to new Sunday School classes; we started a new sermon series, etc. Anne moved up to the Explorers class (Kindergarteners) this morning. This is actually the first time Anne has attended Sunday School since the accident…

Our church has not shrunk back from Anne, but continues to embrace her and our family wholeheartedly. Our church is fortunate to have TWO liscened Occupational Therapists within our congregation. They have both volunteered to help Anne during Sunday School. Anne needs help to transfer from wheelchair to a regular chair. She needs help coloring and help to sit on the floor for story time. They will help her wait her turn and give her cues to listen and not talk. Even the other Sunday school teachers don’t seem bothered by the distraction Anne brings, but are genuinely excited about having Anne in the class.

God delights in Anne, and He delights in providing for her through the gifts of our church family. Erin and Stacy’s willingness to care for Anne at church is a tangible reminder to me of God’s care for us, and it encourages me to persevere and not lose hope…

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:11.

Our God is good. And we wait on Him to reveal His plans for Anne. In the interim, He continues to provide for our every need. We are so grateful. -kathryn