After writing every day in 2013, I decided to give myself a break. What was supposed to be a break from writing has come dangerously close to a break from living. I’ve found that as I’ve detached myself from the daily discipline of writing – that I’ve retreated into a mind-numbing world of escapism. Netflix, Facebook, Roku – whatever its name – I’ve sought solace there. And of course, now that the month is over, I’m left feeling empty.
But I think that’s okay. Because I’ve learned some valuable lessons…
I’ve realized that one benefit of my daily bible blog was a constant supply of short-term goals. As I’ve hit the pause button on writing, I’ve also hit the pause button on accomplishing any goals. And without goals, I begin to feel overwhelmed by the future and the sheer scope of caring for Anne. I need short-term goals to keep me grounded in the present and help me stay dependent on God.
I’ve also accepted that loving Anne requires a boat-load of perseverance. Thankfully, Anne continues to make progress, but it is oh. so. slow. The amount of patience required to persevere with therapy and school work seems impossibly infinite. I fall so short of what Anne needs. My inadequacy keeps me tethered to God.
Bottomline: I need to live a life characterized by ENDURANCE.
I know a little bit about endurance from my running. I’m a very slow runner, but I can run a long way :) When I run a longer race – I LOVE the water stations. I always walk through them – savoring every drop of that icy liquid – and when I come to the end, I throw my cup down and start running (slowly) toward the next break.
We all need breaks. The difficulty with life with a disability (or for me as the caretaker) is that there really are no breaks. Everyday is a fight – a fight to carry out normal life…toileting, bathing, grooming, eating – so we have to look for respite in different ways.
I’m still figuring this out. I need to learn how to give myself a break without checking out of life and then resenting the gift of caring for Anne. And I think Anne needs breaks too.
Hmmmm…. I’m going to start thinking more deeply about this idea of living with endurance. I’ll let you know if I figure anything out ;)
*I stole the idea for today’s title from my friend, Josh…