3 Kids = 3 Schools

That’s right. All three kids are going to different schools.

I felt like a pro this morning, getting all three kids up and ready and out the door. Not so last year. Last year I was a mess!

God has been so faithful to provide the perfect school situation for each of my kids.

  • Canon enters the 4th grade at ACCA, an excellent private christian school. We discovered last spring that only one boy was returning to his class. I began praying for a new family with a 4th grade boy to come to ACCA. God answered! Joshua is the newest member of the 4th grade at ACCA. He is the oldest of three children. Up until now, he was home schooled, but because of a tragedy in his family – concerning his little sister – his mother decided to put him in private school. Does that sound familiar? Aside from the type of tragedy, Joshua and Canon have much in common. God has provided for Canon (and for Joshua).
  • Anne enters the 1st grade at Nickajack, an excellent public school in our area. I found out last spring that all of Anne’s therapists and para-pro’s would not be returning this year. So we prayed, specifically for Anne’s physical therapist and her new para-pro. I found out this morning that Anne’s new school PT worked with her in the Children’s Day Rehab Program 2 years ago. How amazing is that?? God takes care of Anne.
  • And Kate. Well, I’m homeschooling Kate. My little girl suffered from not having enough time with mommy last year. So now we have hours of uninterrupted time together. Our first morning has already been profoundly good. I pray that this year lays a foundation of godly character in her life.

So that’s our school year for 12-13. It promises to be a good, good year.

Pray for Anne…

August 2012’s prayer requests:

  1. Anne will enter the 1st grade on August 13th. Please pray for her transition back to school, specifically for self control and a sound mind.
  2. Please pray for Anne to know God, and to love God and to learn to trust and depend on God. She needs him!

Thank you!

Resting in the moment

Life is made up of moments. In the midst of suffering, the only way to live is-

moment.
to.
moment.

Thinking of getting through the day or even through the next hour can be overwhelming. Living at the hospital following Anne’s accident taught me to live in the present, with my eyes fixed on the moment at hand.

Now that we have settled into our new normal, most of my moments tend to revolve around Anne. So in the middle of the relentless job of caring for a disabled child, if I happen to have a lighthearted, fun moment – well, I sit up and notice. It’s a gift. And I don’t take those rare, oh-so-good moments for granted.

I just had one with Kate. She’s fascinated with Olympic swimming. Have you seen the Swim Team’s “Call Me Maybe” video? We just watched it :-)

Another good moment from the summer… Playing in the pool with Kate and looking over to see Canon sitting under an umbrella with Anne, blowing bubbles – everyone had smiles. That was a good moment.

And I guess this is where I struggle, it’s hard to have those idyllic moments with the whole family. Anne rarely contends with being anything other than the center of everything. And as much as I love her, my moments with her require enormous amounts of patience. She’s been especially rotten and demanding today. And I’m out of patience. It’s gone, and I’m spent.

She’s up in her bed, hollering for me…  “Mama!!!!! Mamaaaaaaaa!!!!!” I wish I could just sit here and watch the Olympics with my family and ignore her. But it’s hard. And I’m tired.

So that’s my moment. Tired mama, trying to ignore the cries of her little girl and longing to just sit and watch some Olympics. Where is God in moments like this? Right smack in the center – loving us and molding us into the people He wants us to be. In every moment, I have a choice… ignore God or acknowledge Him. Acknowledging Him- and His loving hand in every aspect of my life – lifts my eyes past my circumstances, past my tiredness and helps me to rest… even as I get up to see what in the world Anne is hollering about now ;-)

Life in the desert

I’ve been struggling lately.

Writing takes effort to connect with what God is doing in our lives. Sometimes, I don’t see His hand, and that is discouraging to me.

In an effort to find God, I started reading the book, A Praying Life, by Paul E. Miller. It’s been a while since a book has so deeply impacted me. This is mainly because Paul uses vignettes from his own family to illustrate his points, and he has a special needs daughter.

He’s put words to my longings. I now know I’m living in the desert. According to Miller, the desert is a place where there is a great divide between hope and reality. In my case, there is a great divide between my hope for Anne’s healing and the reality of Anne’s disability. And to add to the suffering, you have no idea how long you will be in the desert.

I’ve also learned that God can be close and intimate in the desert. I have experienced this. But typically, God remains on the edge, distant and elusive…  Paul Miller says God stays on the edge in order to increase your faith. I get that. God has definitely been on the edge of my life lately, and it has been difficult to persevere in pursuing God. In other words, my faith needs a lot of increasing ;-)

When God seems silent and our prayers go unanswered, the over-whelming temptation is to leave the story – to walk out of the desert and attempt to create a normal life. But when we persist in a spiritual vacuum, when we hang in there during ambiguity, we get to know God (Miller, pg 192).

When we suffer, we long for God to speak clearly, to tell us the end of the story and, most of all, to show himself. But if he showed himself fully and immediately, if he answered all the questions, we’d never grow… No one works like Him. He is such a lover of souls (Miller, pg 193-194).

I am tempted to leave the story every day. Because frankly, Jesus’ demands on my life are painful. So I am left with a choice, the same choice that Jesus gave his disciples in John 6…

…many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God” (John 6:66-69).

Everyday, when I am tempted to live life apart from God, I echo the words of Peter… Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life, and I have believed, and I know that you are the Holy One of God.

But it doesn’t make the journey any easier…

Pray for Anne…

July 2012’s prayer requests:

  1. While June was highly structured, July is just the opposite. Please pray for me to establish a structure for Anne, and have the discipline to keep it consistently. Anne thrives under structure, and I struggle with it…
  2. Anne improved dramatically, both physically and cognitively during her 3-week Therasuit therapy. Please pray that she would continue to improve at home.
  3. Please pray that Anne would learn how to control her anger. When she gets angry, she will sometimes hit or pinch the person closest to her… which is usually me. This means I also need prayer for wisdom and patience to coach Anne to deal with her anger.
  4. Lastly, please pray that Anne would come to know and trust in God’s goodness.

Thank you!

Moment by moment

I have friends who have had to leave their homes due to the fires in Colorado. This picture was taken over Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs. God’s promises endure …even in the fire.  What a poignant picture of life outside the garden.

From Jesus Calling, June 27

Rest with me awhile. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded with uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

There’s a first for everything!

For the first time in my adult life… every towel hanging, every sheet lying, every pillow case covering, and every item of clothing (except the clothes on our backs) are perfectly clean. and folded. and put away. Everything is clean. Everything.

Now, I think it’s time for a vacation :-)

Day 15 of Therasuit therapy

We are finished!!

I am very impressed with this program. Anne made significant progress in the three weeks. It really is amazing. She is VERY proud of herself.

Here are a few videos…

This is one of her walking with a cane. The therapist is moving the cane for Anne and lightly touching her left side. Anne is supporting all of  her weight – the therapist is only giving her cues to help her balance.

This second video is a sample of some of the exercises she performed. Her left foot is attached to a pully with weight on the end. She started this exercise on day one with .5lbs of weight. Her left leg was extremely weak, but it has gotten stronger… she is pulling 4lbs in this video! It’s the last day, so we celebrated by letting her eat potato chips… her favorite food :-)

What I’ve learned during Therasuit therapy…

Five things…

1. Anne CAN put forth effort. I’ve seen her grit her teeth and wrinkle her forehead as she strains to move her left arm. Seeing that effort has to be one of the most encouraging aspects of these last three weeks.

2. Anne has a fierce temper. Anne is soooo stubborn and gets angry when she feels unstable – which is most of the time. Today, while she was doing squats, she got especially mad and started to yell something ugly (which she knows she is not allowed to say). The therapist asked her to do 10 squats. Each time she would say the “forbidden” phrase, we would have to start back at 1. She got to 5 – and then she yelled it: “I’ll bite your butt!” So we started over. She got to 2 – and yelled again: “I’ll bite your bu-!” She thought if she left off the ending “t,” it wouldn’t count. But we started over. We got to 3 and Anne started to yell, and then thought better and said, “I’m MAD!” Victory. Anne exhibited reason and self control. Amen and Amen.

3. Anne has many obstacles to overcome. The greatest of which is fear. Anne has the physical ability to walk with the least amount of assistance. But she can’t overcome her feelings of  fear each time she feels the slightest bit off-balance. If Anne walks independently one day, it will come after years of “persevering -never-giving-up-hard-work.”

Which leads me to the fourth thing I’ve learned…

4. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but… I wouldn’t trade Anne’s broken body for her former healthy self – simply because of the character she will develop in overcoming her disabilities. Special needs children have amazingly strong spirits because of the amazingly large obstacles they have to overcome. Anne has put forth an inspiring effort over the last three weeks!

I confess that I’ve spent way too much time focusing on my “seen” circumstances instead of the “unseen” promises in God’s word. I’ve been overwhelmed thinking of how much work it will be for Anne and our family to continue her recovery. But just as I take pleasure in seeing Anne’s effort and perseverance so does God take pleasure in me – even in my weakest efforts. The key is leaning on Him for strength for the moment – and not worrying about where the strength for tomorrow will come from.

So the fifth thing I’ve learned…

5. Living in my own strength leads to exhaustion and burn-out. God has given me circumstances that force me to lean on Him. Even though I hate it, and get so angry… and stubborn…  and I feel like yelling, “I’ll bite your butt!” – I’m thankful that God would care enough for me to give me such an honorable task as to care for a special needs child. And for this, I am grateful :-)

Day 5 of Therasuit therapy

We’ve finished our first week. Anne has done amazingly well.

Specifically, she is less frightened and has more confidence; therefore, she is putting forth EFFORT! She turned to me several times today and asked, “How hard would you say I’m working? Just regular hard, or SUPER hard?” She is taking pride in her work ethic – this is something I haven’t seen before.

Here is a video taken while Anne is walking on the treadmill. There are no tears on day 5. She trusts that she will not fall, and she is having fun experimenting with the bungees. She is moving her right foot on her own. The therapist is just helping Anne with foot placement. Anne needs help with her left leg, but she is moving it much more than she did on Day 1. We are all proud of Anne (even Anne is proud of Anne – which is the best news yet!)