School

All three children start school on Monday. For the first time in nine years, I will have consistent time at home… ALONE! I’m very excited! We got to meet all of their teachers yesterday. I was overwhelmed with gratitude as it seems that God has hand-picked the perfect teachers for all three of them.

Anne will be in a general-ed kindergarten class. Her teacher is a former special-ed teacher and from what I hear, is extremely patient. That’s a good thing :-) Anne will share a para-pro with one other special-ed student, and the rest of her class are general ed children. If you would have told me a year ago, that Anne would be a member of a regular kindergarten class, I wouldn’t have believed you! Anne is still under the special-ed umbrella and will continue to receive tons of therapy at school, but she will spend the majority of her time in a typical kindergarten class. Let’s pray she does well!!

Canon and Kate are going to the same school that Anne attended when the accident happened, Atlanta Classical Christian Academy (ACCA). They are both very excited about their teachers. Since I’ve always home-schooled Canon, this will be the first year that he will attend regular school. He’s a little nervous, but I think he’s more excited. When we visited their school yesterday, we were approached by several families that have been praying for Anne since the accident. It’s such a comfort to enter such a supportive community of families at ACCA!

Please pray for Anne as she transitions to regular school. Pray that she will have an extra dose of stamina, so that she might not get over tired and frustrated. Also pray for one friend for Anne. Her greatest fear is that she would not have any friends. I think if she just had one friend, she would feel accepted…

Thank you! -kathryn

Goodness

Anne’s self awareness is continuing to improve. And as a result, I feel like she’s sad a lot…

“I’m not good at anything Mommy.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a problem, Mommy.”
“God doesn’t love me, Mommy.”

Imagine how hard it would be to see your brother and sister run, laugh and play… without you. Especially when she was literally in the middle of their play before the accident. But Canon and Kate show Anne tremendous compassion. They are the first to encourage her when she becomes discouraged, and there’s nothing more wonderful than seeing your children encourage one another!

Kate just gave a “good report” about how well Anne did at the pool today… And then Canon piped in describing how great Anne did at speech therapy. I know God is bringing good out of our story… and it is especially encouraging to see His character so evident in my children!

So thankful :-)

Radio Silence

Sorry for the long absence. The month of May marks the end of school, and since my three children are in three different schools… well, we’ve been busy. Kate’s last day was Friday; Canon & Anne both finish Wednesday, and our summer will begin.

Frankly, I’m a little anxious about summer. I usually love having my children at home, but Anne is in a “demanding” phase which makes life difficult. But it forces me to interact with her, which is vital for her continued development and recovery.

Adding to my anxiety is the fact that I have been a bit lazy about reading the bible lately – which is always a source of great comfort for me. I’m sure God still has a good plan for Anne’s life – it’s just hard for God to remind me when I’m not reading His word!

Sigh. I can’t wait for heaven :-)

Three voices

I’m reading three books right now… This seems all too common, but it’s new ground for me. I’m not used to having three different authors competing for my attention. It just leads to lots of unorganized thoughts swirling around in my head, but I think the clearest voice right now comes from Nancy Guthrie. Her book, Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow is excellent.

She lost two infants to the same rare genetic disorder. She knows sorrow. And her questions are the same questions I’ve grappled with. Why doesn’t Jesus heal today like He did when He walked the earth? How do we reconcile His promises of protection and peace in the midst of hurricanes and terrorists (and brain injuries)? Who is responsible for my sorrow… me? Satan? God? Did God just allow the accident to happen – or did He ordain it?

These are hard questions, and she gives satisfying answers. She writes that it is our eternal home that is most important to God. My honest reaction to that reminds me of Kate whining when she has to wait ’til after dinner to get her desert. Seriously, child? Don’t you have any concept of delayed gratification? Well, I guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from… me.

Which leads me to the 2nd book I’m reading… Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts. Her book is all about how to “Live Fully Right Where You Are.” It’s a great book about how thankfulness opens the door to joy, but I’m too busy whining (like Kate) to experience very much gratitude- at least for now…

My third book is a Romanian pastor’s doctoral thesis on suffering, matyrdom and the rewards of heaven… He argues that suffering on earth advances the Kingdom of Heaven – the prime example being Jesus, Himself. If we are called to suffer and/or die for the Kingdom, it is a great Eternal victory! There’s that word again… eternal.

I’ve actually learned alot about eternal perspective from Canon. I think I’ll write about that tomorrow. Good night for now…

Gifts

I think one of the benefits of walking through dark times is that laughter becomes much more precious. Laughter is one of life’s simple pleasures… a gift straight from God Himself. Simple pleasures are such a contrast to grief and sadness. When I experience one of these moments, I feel like my eyes become razor-sharp… absorbing every detail, so as not to miss a second of God’s gift.

Free-spirited Kate creates many of these moments for me. To watch her swing is to watch joy personified!! But I experience the same pleasure when I see Canon devouring a book or hear Anne singing (especially when I hear Anne singing…)

All of this reminds me of a book that I haven’t read… but I hear about constantly… One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

I was just resting with Kate, turning these ideas over in my head. I came downstairs to write this post, and the doorbell rang. It was a man delivering a huge fruit basket from someone in our church… The note read, “You have been in our prayers all year-long.” I then opened my email and found a note from a friend wanting to bring a herb pot made for me by the ladies in my old bible study. She said she was including a copy of One Thousand Gifts. Maybe I should read it :)

Lost dreams

I miss the freedom of having healthy, independent, well-behaved children. I’ve been so sad lately. so. very. sad.

Next week is spring break. Last year during spring break, I took the kids to Anniston, AL to visit my cousin. It was my very first road trip alone with the kids… since they were all potty trained and old enough to buckle themselves into their car seats by themselves, I thought this would be the beginning of lots of road trips. We had a blast in Anniston. My cousin lives in a big, old house. We spent hours playing hide-n-seek and sardines. Here’s a (blurry) pic of my cousin and us “squished” in a shower while we’re playing sardines :-)

Playing Sardines 4-10-10

Back when my kids were younger, I used to dream of the day when they were all at least 4 years old. Four = independence and much more freedom to do things like… fun road trips!

Three days after we got home from Anniston, the accident happened… and then Kate turned four. We had her birthday party at the hospital.

Lost dreams are just that… dreams. God has different plans for our family. I believe that I’ll be able to take fun road trips with my kids – I’ll just have to wait a little bit longer :-)

A deposit… of things to come

I was just outside playing basketball against Canon and Kate. I was guarding Canon, and Canon yells, “Down low, Kate – go low.” Canon and I turn around to see Kate kneeling down “low” to the ground. We both burst out laughing. For you basketball newbies, “Go low” means go toward the goal and be ready for the ball. We were playing while Eric was inside putting Anne to bed. (And now Eric is playing basketball with Canon while I stay inside with Anne…)

This is just one example of how the dynamics have changed within our family. Because Anne gets so tired in the evenings AND because of her disability… Canon and Kate are together alot.

In the beginning, this was difficult because Canon projected his grief onto Kate. There was lots of bickering. Now that Canon understands the true source of his grief, he has prayed for his relationship with Kate to improve – (which is AMAZING. My jaw almost hit the floor when I heard him praying for that!)

The other day Canon said, “God has changed my heart towards Kate. I really like playing with her now.” It’s true. They have so much fun together!

Even though their relationship is wonderful, and brings me much joy… lately I’ve been more aware of Anne’s absence in their play – which has made me sad.

Last night, Anne had an extra boost of energy, so she was able to stay up later with Canon and Kate. Instead of two kids playing, it was three. They were all wrestling and tickling each other on the living room floor. There were lots of squeals and laughter.

As I watched the THREE of them playing, I felt especially aware that this was God’s gift to me – a deposit, if you will – of things to come.

It is so hard to accept this new life God has given us. I’m tired of feeling sad. I just want to submit and accept and move on. I still feel like God’s hand is pressing me down into grief – like I have more work to do – more wrestling. It WILL end, and God will help us to submit and rest – all in His timing.

We covet your prayers…

for comfort and rest for Anne – that she would know God’s love for her
for perseverance for Anne – and for all of us :-)
that we could find joy in her current recovery and trust God for her future (instead of worrying about it).
And for God to continue His healing work in Anne!

THANK YOU! -kathryn

Merry Christmas!

Well, Almost. . . . . . Kate(4) has enthusaistically asked me every day this week – “is tomorrow Christmas?” Little Anne, catching wind of these discussions has started asking me – “is today Christmas?” i suppose the theory being, if i keep asking maybe mom and dad will eventually give in and say that today IS Christmas :-)

Little Anne had a really good day yesterday. . . she just seemed a little more lucid and ‘with it’. After a strenuous OT session, she asked Kathryn on the drive home – “i’m tired, i worked so hard today, can we go to Wendy’s?” Her conversation just seemed a bit more normal and the tone in her voice seemed more herself. She seemed to switch topics less frequently and kept on-track.

Over breakfast, as Canon(8) and i were discussing our new family dynamics and how God still has a good plan for Anne and for us amidst the difficulty, Canon reminded me: “Daddy, its like the story of Joseph!” How so, i asked. Canon suggested that just like Joseph’s trip down the dark well of hopelessness, God made it all for blessing and for good – and for His purposes!

Kathryn and i have been a bit more anxious (and even sad) these past 2 weeks as we consider little Anne’s challenges and how she loved Christmas last year. Canon’s Jospeh account that God is writing a story that will glorify Him through the weakness of a child (Anne) is amazing wisdom. What a great thing for me to remember as we focus not on ourselves, but on the Christ-child. . . . . through the weakness of a baby, God chose to save us!

-eric

God works all things together for good…

I can’t believe how this week has flown by. It’s been another busy week full of appointments and therapy. Anne continues to do well – taking each new place and person in stride.

Eric and I have been reminded this week of the ways God is using Anne’s injury for good…

First of all, we see good for Anne. Before, Anne was very shy and reserved. She saved her affections for a select few. She was paralyzed in a way by her concern over what others thought of her. it was our constant prayer that God would remove her self-absorption. Anne’s injury has helped to remove her self protective filters, so she is free to express what she feels. What we are left with is an extremely loving little girl.

Secondly, we see good for Kate. Anne was very controlling of Kate before the accident. Without Anne’s constant directing, Kate has blossomed into more of herself – which is a highly energetic, fun-loving, spirited little girl.

Lastly we see good in how God is shaping our character. He is molding Canon into a more compassionate little boy and rooting out the selfishness in Eric and me. It is painful, but good!

I’ll end with a brief bit of news. After a marathon meeting with the school system- at which we outlined all of her goals and requirements, Anne is set to start school in January! Everyone from the school system has been wonderful and has really strived to provide the very best services for Anne. I could not be more pleased :-)

Thank you for your continued prayers. We are grateful beyond words for the constant encouragement we receive from your comments and prayers for our family. Humbly, kathryn

Good conversation

Little Anne’s conversation seems, ever so slightly, more appropriate…

Every night little Anne and I pray together. We pray for lots of things including her relationship with God, her healing mentally, and her progress physically. She always asks me in the middle of my prayer: “Dada, can I pray?” After an immediate ‘Yes’, she always prays the same thing: “Thank you for Dada, Amen”. I never really thought much about her prayer, until a few nights ago – and I realized, on so many levels, what a wonderful blessing that tiny prayer is to me. Tonight, something wonderful happened, Little Anne made her expected request, then prayed: “I pray that I would be able to run, and dance and sing, even though I already know how to sing. And thank you for the trees, Amen”. Wow, something new and different from her prayer!

Kate (our 4 yr old) normally complains about going to her weekly speech therapy appointment. Last week Kate announced how excited she was about going to speech. Upon hearing Kate’s change of heart, Anne said: “but Kate, I thought you didn’t like going to speech therapy”.

When Kathryn was reading books to Anne while sitting on the floor, Anne blurted out: “Mommy I am having so much fun!”

Individually, these items seem tiny at the point of each event, but they add up to tell a significant story of God’s healing. Only a couple of months ago, little Anne would not have been capable of such suitable and fitting comments, but God continues to do His good work in Anne!

We are thankful for:

Our family who walks with us each step of the way
Our friends and church who truly care and constantly reach out to us
The amazing small group of therapists God has called to work with Anne

We would cherish your prayers with us for:

God to grip Anne’s heart for all of her days, and for Anne to know God in the most profound way
Anne’s attention to improve and her impulsivity to decrease
To make great strides in her walking