Truth

Bedtime Stories

I was putting Anne down for a nap the other day, and she asked, “Mama, will you please tell me a story?” Who can resist that?

Once upon a time there was a little girl who was very special in the eyes of God. “Is that me mommy?” Yes, Anne, it’s you. And that little girl could twirl and sing. She used to love singing songs to Jesus. “Was that me mommy?” Yes, Anne. That was you.

But one day, that little girl was in a horrible accident and had to go to the hospital. She almost died, but God sent angels to protect her, and He saved her from dying. She was asleep a long time, but when she woke up, she couldn’t move or speak. She couldn’t even move her eyes. “I couldn’t move anything, mommy.”

But slowly, God began to heal her. First, she started to speak, and then she could move her eyes, and then her arm and then her legs, and God is still helping her to get better… because He has good plans for her; plans to give her a – “future and a hope. He is going to give me a future and a hope. And he is helping me to get better and better – even today.”

That’s right, Anne. You are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He has prepared in advance for you to do.

…I love you Anne. “I love you poo-poo, Mommy.” Night-Night, silly girl. “Night-Night.”

There is so much to love about our new Anne!!

I’m doing better…

This week has been a good week for all of us. The more relaxed pace of spring break has been rejuvenating. Thank you for praying for me. I’ve been more aware of God’s mercy and faithfulness, and I’ve been encouraged by several friends this week. I’ve received uplifting text messages, fresh tulips delivered to my door, and one friend even came over to clean my toilets and fold my laundry. That’s love!

I think most encouraging is that lots of people are remembering April 13th. From close friends to casual acquaintances, I’ve had several encounters this week of people telling me that they are praying as the 13th approaches.

God has lifted the weight of grief (at least for now) and given me a single focus for the good He’s accomplished in Anne this year. We have so much to be thankful for! So when our pastor asked how they could best minister to us on the one year mark of the accident, I decided I wanted a celebration service to thank God for the blessing of Anne’s life and miraculous recovery. The details are still being worked out, but my prayer is that the service will be an encouragement to Anne and to those who have prayed so faithfully for Anne. I pray God is glorified as we acknowledge the work He has done in our midst!

Miss Debbie was over tonight watching our kids. Anne loves Miss Debbie! She made me a care package for wednesday… Lots of chocolate, diet cokes, candles, etc. But the coolest thing is a cd she made for me. On it is Laura Story’s new song Blessings. Miss Debbie says that every word reminds her of Anne. I agree. Listen to it if you have a chance:-)  And here’s the story behind the song if you’re interested…

I’ll post more about Anne’s service when I know details. It will be this Wednesday evening at our church, ChristChurch Presbyterian. Anne will be there, and I hope it will be a blessing for everyone :-)

Anne is tired.

Anne continues to be so tired. She’s sleeping 12 hours at night and taking two naps during the days. It’s spring break here, so we’re just letting her rest. She goes to the neurologist tomorrow, so hopefully we can find a new seizure med for her.

She’s tired, but she’s still progressing well. Her left arm is finally “waking up.” She’s definitely more aware of her left arm. She can reach a little with that arm, and she can even feel and identify different textures with her left fingers. These are all wonderful signs that the right side of her brain is making new connections!

Anne continues to be witty and fun – even if she is tired. We’re always amazed at her cognitive abilities. Her fluency skills are so good. This will be a huge advantage to her in school and life! She still has huge obstacles to overcome – specifically in her visual motor skills, attention, fine motor skills, stamina, gross motor skills… well, I could go on, but I don’t want to get overwhelmed :-)

God loves little Anne and has an amazing plan for her. We will trust Him and wait expectantly for Him to work His mysterious ways through her!

Thank you for praying! Kathryn

Suffering & Comfort

Part of me feels silly writing about suffering – what do I really know about suffering? …But as I’ve been (lightly) studying suffering in the bible, I am flattened by the extent of suffering I find there – the pinnacle being the crucifixion of Christ. Isaiah calls him the “suffering Servant” for good reason.

I have so many thoughts about suffering, but for now… I’d like to focus on Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 1. Paul was intimately familiar with suffering. And somehow he is able to link comfort to suffering in a most provocative way. He actually tells the people of Corinth that the way to experience comfort is to suffer. Seriously?

For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. …If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer (2 Corinthians 1:5-6).

What kind of comfort is Paul talking about here? Knowing a tiny bit about Paul’s character, I don’t think it’s a sweet, warm & fuzzy feeling, but rather comfort in the truth that suffering is not in vain. Paul points to sharing in the sufferings of Christ. Christ’s sufferings accomplished the ultimate good – salvation from sin and death. And God brings good from Paul’s sufferings too. Paul argues throughout 2 Corinthians that his sufferings help him bring comfort to others and serve as a means to make Christ known to the world. The world notices when a “suffering servant” remains faithful to Him. It is the way of the Kingdom of God… death brings life… and suffering combined with surrender …brings comfort.

One year ago…

3-13-10

…Anne was practicing cheerleading moves in our living room. We had battled through food sensitivity issues, anger and behavior issues and hyper-sensitivity issues. Everyone outside our family could not believe that Anne was anything but the quiet, perfect little angel she showed to the outside world. But Anne had turned the corner on all of her “issues.” She was becoming that perfect little angel at home too. She would obey with a good attitude. She loved to help me with all of the household chores – especially cleaning and cooking. She was intelligent, artistic and sensitive – and a bit bossy. But hey, nobody’s perfect :-)

Now, I am dealing with all of those old issues. Her seizure medication is making her tired and irritable. She gets so angry when she doesn’t get her way – especially at me. She bites, hits, pulls my hair and likes to call me “stupid mommy” for the sole reason that we don’t allow the “s” word in our house. She is making progress, but it’s oh so slow. At night, my mind races through strategy after strategy to help Anne. Be it nutrition, or therapy goals or reading strategies, I have tons of ideas, but not enough time to implement them. It all leads me to feel overwhelmed and discouraged.

And God just seems hidden. It’s scriptural for God to be hidden sometimes. He’s hidden through most of Job. And when He reveals himself, Job is left shaken and repentant. Even though He’s hidden, that doesn’t mean He’s absent or aloof. I choose to believe that He has a plan for Anne and our family. We might be in a dark part of the journey, but it won’t be dark forever. He’ll give us light, just when we need it the most. In the interim, we must wait and take each step by faith. Faith in God’s good character. Faith in God’s sovereign hand. Faith in God’s tender mercies. Faith in His love for each one of us, and for Anne.

The days leading up to 4/13 will be difficult for me. One side of me hates that day. I hate what it’s done to Anne and our family. But the other side of me knows that God intends good to come out of it. God’s word demonstrates repetitively how He brings good out of the broken. I pray He does that for Anne  …and for me.

Please pray:

  1. That we will find the right medication to control Anne’s seizures – without negative side effects;
  2. That we would not feel overwhelmed or discouraged and find comfort in God despite our circumstances, and
  3. That God would help Anne to make progress in her walking, reading & writing.

Thank you! -kathryn

Upside-down-ness…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the upside-down-ness of the Kingdom of God.

I remember back when I was a very young Christian and working in a Christian bookstore. The owner of the store was a grandfather and had been walking with Jesus for a very long time. He was so learned and wise that most of his conversations involved answering questions about the bible from customers, friends or fellow church members. I would stand at the door of his office and listen to these conversations – hoping to glean wisdom or understanding. A lot of his answers to others centered on the Kingdom of God. This concept was so new, and so abstract that I understood very little of what he said.

Now, I find myself thinking more and more about the Kingdom. Everything about it is upside down… Death brings life; the humble are exalted; the weak are strong. I could go on and on. Continue reading →

A deposit… of things to come

I was just outside playing basketball against Canon and Kate. I was guarding Canon, and Canon yells, “Down low, Kate – go low.” Canon and I turn around to see Kate kneeling down “low” to the ground. We both burst out laughing. For you basketball newbies, “Go low” means go toward the goal and be ready for the ball. We were playing while Eric was inside putting Anne to bed. (And now Eric is playing basketball with Canon while I stay inside with Anne…)

This is just one example of how the dynamics have changed within our family. Because Anne gets so tired in the evenings AND because of her disability… Canon and Kate are together alot.

In the beginning, this was difficult because Canon projected his grief onto Kate. There was lots of bickering. Now that Canon understands the true source of his grief, he has prayed for his relationship with Kate to improve – (which is AMAZING. My jaw almost hit the floor when I heard him praying for that!)

The other day Canon said, “God has changed my heart towards Kate. I really like playing with her now.” It’s true. They have so much fun together!

Even though their relationship is wonderful, and brings me much joy… lately I’ve been more aware of Anne’s absence in their play – which has made me sad.

Last night, Anne had an extra boost of energy, so she was able to stay up later with Canon and Kate. Instead of two kids playing, it was three. They were all wrestling and tickling each other on the living room floor. There were lots of squeals and laughter.

As I watched the THREE of them playing, I felt especially aware that this was God’s gift to me – a deposit, if you will – of things to come.

It is so hard to accept this new life God has given us. I’m tired of feeling sad. I just want to submit and accept and move on. I still feel like God’s hand is pressing me down into grief – like I have more work to do – more wrestling. It WILL end, and God will help us to submit and rest – all in His timing.

We covet your prayers…

  1.  for comfort and rest for Anne – that she would know God’s love for her
  2. for perseverance for Anne – and for all of us :-)
  3. that we could find joy in her current recovery and trust God for her future (instead of worrying about it).
  4. And for God to continue His healing work in Anne!

THANK YOU! -kathryn

She’s doing well…

Anne continues to improve little bit by little bit. She’s come so far since she was released in the hospital last June.

She’s doing so well during her hippotherapy (horse therapy) sessions. This past Thursday she rode frontwards, backwards and sideways. Watching her ride sideways with her feet dangling over one side of the horse and her torso moving in rhythm with the horse ALL WHILE KEEPING HER BALANCE – reminded me of how she could barely sit up by herself when she first came home from the hospital. That’s good progress :-)

Considering the severity of her injury, she has some amazing cognitive strengths – including her memory, language and reasoning skills. It’s a good base for her to build upon.

The past month or so I’ve been wrestling with God’s goodness. I’m finally in a better place – closer to surrender and trust in His plan for Anne. I’ve been reading a book by Nancy Guthrie called, Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow. Great book…

I’ve moved to a place where I am less concerned with Anne’s physical well being than with her spiritual well being. Don’t misunderstand, I’m still praying for her continued healing! I just pray more fervently for her to love Jesus and trust Him in the midst of her tragedy. I pray that for all of us… Canon, Kate, Me and Eric – to move into a deeper more meaningful relationship with Christ.

Anne brings us so much joy! We are so grateful to God for her life!

Thank you for your continued prayers :-)
-kathryn

Glimmer of relief

We have struggled a little more lately with the amount of service required to raise little Anne. Sometimes we have just felt tired. We pray that Anne continues to grow and learn and sharpen because we want what is best for her. But selfishly we also ask God for some relief.

Then a tiny glimmer of relief comes in an unusual way to
me. The scene in our Honda van traveling around town: everyone singing loudly to Christian radio, with Kathryn teaching us to insert a few lyrics of our own to some well known songs. . . . Anne grinning ear to ear:

Brandon Heath’s “Wait and See”

There is hope for Anne yet
Because God won’t forget
All the plans He has for “me”
I have to wait and see …He’s not finished with Anne yet

Chris Tomlin’s “God of this city”

For greater things are yet to come,
And greater things are still to be done in our Annie-B
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in our Annie-B

I get a giant lump in my throat when I sing that Chris
Tomlin song with Annie-B inserted. God is so personal and close to give us these songs, to give us Kathryn who can ‘see’
to change these songs for Anne, to give little Anne back to us, and to give us the chance to wrestle with him as a family through this difficulty which molds our character a little more to His likeness.

-eric

Looking back at 2010

Eric shared a verse with me tonight. It pretty much sums up our year…

2 Corinthians 4:16-18: So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Eric said at Thanksgiving that he was thankful for this year. It is not what we would have chosen for Anne or for our family, but we’ve seen God deepen our dependence upon and love for Him through this ‘light and momentary affliction.’

We are grateful for God working out His purposes through us and for the love and prayer you all have given to us.

Here’s to a joy-filled 2011!

Love, Kathryn (for all the Jacksons)