Grief & Joy

Anne continues to make very slow progress. And I continue to experience a very paradoxical life…

I experience both grief and joy daily. Not just a little grief and a little joy – no, the kind of grief that feels suffocating – and the kind of joy that fills you with awe.

The only way I manage to stay sane is to stay in the present. I feel like God is teaching me to wait and trust. Every morning, I ask God for strength to do both. He is faithful to sustain our family. He gives strength for the day with the joy of His presence sprinkled on top.

We have so much to be grateful for as Anne slowly emerges and shows more emotion…

On Sunday night, she was crying – the hardest I’ve seen her cry. She explained that she was thinking of a little boy in her Sunday School class that had been crying because he missed his mommy …so sweet.

Her joy is infectious, especially when she’s playing with Canon and Kate. They love her so much – showering her with kisses, tickles and hugs. She’s witty and has the cutest laugh. She loves to tell Knock-Knock jokes.

She’s refreshingly straightforward. The other evening, I was challenging her to walk a certain distance. In the middle of me ‘encouraging’ her to take a step, she said, “You’re commanding me. Why are you commanding me?”

She gets frustrated with Kate when Kate gets a little rambunctious. Yesterday Anne hollered, “Feet to yourself, Kate!”

We do love Anne so, but work each day to remain open handed before God. She is His – to do with as He pleases.

So we wait, and we trust. -kathryn

FYI: Her CAT scan is scheduled for 9/28…

CT Scan & fluid

Anne had a CT Scan and an appointment with her neurosurgeon yesterday. (By the way… Her neurosurgeon is AWESOME!) Anne’s got a little fluid on the left side of her brain. This is common with TBI patients, and her doctors have been monitoring it closely.

Her scan from yesterday showed that the fluid had increased slightly. If it continues to increase, she will need surgery to remove the fluid. Her neurosurgeon wants to monitor her brain closely, so she’ll have another scan in a few weeks.

Can you guess what our prayer request is? Yes, please pray that the fluid will decrease, so Anne does not have to endure another surgery.

Thank you :-) -kathryn

5 month update…

It’s been five months since the accident. Anne has made rapid improvement in so many areas – and we are now beginning to see what areas of her brain are the most affected by her injury.

Anne struggles most with attention. This affects everything she does, thinks and says. It’s difficult for her to hold a thought for very long and for her to focus on a task without getting distracted. Her lack of attention has a negative impact on all areas of her rehab – she can’t focus to walk, or put a puzzle together, or wait her turn. She actually has so many strengths. Her memory is in tact; she has excellent reasoning skills; she remembers how to read simple words, but her lack of attention prevents her from doing what she knows how to do – or from learning how to do new tasks.

Another area in which Anne struggles is impulsivity. Lack of attention and impulsivity go hand in hand. Whatever Anne thinks, she does. She doesn’t have the focus to inhibit her impulses.

Actually, her impulsivity has improved dramatically over the last few months, but it’s still an issue for Anne. Thankfully, Anne doesn’t think too much about inappropriate things. She cares about people, and that is demonstrated in her impulsivity. Let me give you an example:

Last night we were at the ballfield waiting for Canon to finish practice. She asked everyone who walked by, “What’s your name?” If someone stopped to answer, she would engage them in conversation and then as the person started to walk away, Anne would say, “Will you give me a hug?” Anne got lots of hugs last night :-)

These are impulsive behaviours from a very sweet six year old. We are so thankful for Anne’s innocent spirit and her ability to endear herself to others!

Please pray that:

Anne’s attention would increase so that she could work hard to get better,
Anne’s impulsivity would decrease so that she could communicate more effectively to her peers and others, and
For Anne to KNOW God’s love and care for her.

These boots are made for walking

Anne is FINALLY starting to make a little progress with her walking.

On her first day of rehab (May 7th) – she had no head support, and the only part of her body she could move on command was her right index finger. She made great strides in the next few weeks (especially cognitively), so that when she left the hospital, she could sit, track with her eyes, eat and talk – but her walking never really improved…

Just in the last few days I’ve seen the first improvement in her walking. Her feet are more relaxed. She’s stepping great with her right, and even moving her left leg a little. I don’t have to assist her as much with weight-shifting… and her balance seems to be improving. I’ve been helping her climb the stairs. She’s got great strength in her right quadricep. We’re even working on descending the stairs. This is harder for Anne because when she initiates the step down with her right leg, she must bend her left knee, but she can do a few steps :-) All of this is very encouraging!!

We’re still praying constantly for sweet Anne. She’s made so much progress, but we’re humbly hoping for more. We’re trying to remain open handed with Anne. Every day, I go through the same emotional pattern… Grief, followed by surrender, followed by hope.

Please pray for Anne:

That her walking will continue to improve
That her focus and attention will improve so that she can particpate in group activities\
That God will give her a clear and crisp mind, and
That she would be aware of God’s presence and care for her.

Thank you! -kathryn

Heroes

This morning, Canon and I were visited by two of Smyrna’s finest. The two police officers that were first to the scene of our accident dropped by to see how our family was doing. Just the fact that they would take the time to check on us is – well… beyond their call of duty. They were sincerely concerned for us, and especially for Anne.

The officers took time to describe the scene of the accident. Their quick decisions and actions in the face of a night-marish tragedy were one piece in a large puzzle that God used to preserve Anne’s life.

I’ve thought several times how thankful I am that I was unconscious through most of the rescue. When I regained consciousness, the van was surrounded by emergency personnel – loads of them. My kids were obviously in dire need, and helpless myself, I took great comfort in the frenzy around me.

We have been visited by police officers and firemen. EMT workers – both from the ambulance and helicopter have written on this site. Anne’s neurosurgeon has personally written to us about how proud he is of Anne. Nurses and Techs have followed Anne’s progress. God used each of these people to help save Anne’s life. Most of these people thought Anne’s chance of survival was low …very low. Thankfully, God knew different!!

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Psalm 139:6

-kathryn

Erin and Stacy

Today was the first Sunday of the fall schedule at our church. All the kids moved up to new Sunday School classes; we started a new sermon series, etc. Anne moved up to the Explorers class (Kindergarteners) this morning. This is actually the first time Anne has attended Sunday School since the accident…

Our church has not shrunk back from Anne, but continues to embrace her and our family wholeheartedly. Our church is fortunate to have TWO liscened Occupational Therapists within our congregation. They have both volunteered to help Anne during Sunday School. Anne needs help to transfer from wheelchair to a regular chair. She needs help coloring and help to sit on the floor for story time. They will help her wait her turn and give her cues to listen and not talk. Even the other Sunday school teachers don’t seem bothered by the distraction Anne brings, but are genuinely excited about having Anne in the class.

God delights in Anne, and He delights in providing for her through the gifts of our church family. Erin and Stacy’s willingness to care for Anne at church is a tangible reminder to me of God’s care for us, and it encourages me to persevere and not lose hope…

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:11.

Our God is good. And we wait on Him to reveal His plans for Anne. In the interim, He continues to provide for our every need. We are so grateful. -kathryn

“…that saved a ranch like meeeee”

Before the accident, I sang in one of our church’s worship ensembles once a month. I always looked forward to Wednesday evening practice much more than singing on Sunday mornings. There’s just something sweet and simple about a handful of people gathered around a piano singing three-part harmony. Not being one of the stronger singers, sometimes I would just stop and listen…

I went back to practice this past Wednesday. There was one moment when everyone was singing that I realized that I didn’t feel any grief – that I was just having fun singing and listening. Of course, when I realized it, the grief flooded back :-) But in that moment – there was sweet freedom and joy. That moment was a gift.

We sang Chris Tomlin’s version of Amazing Grace that night, and it’s been stuck in my head ever since. I guess I’ve been singing it alot around the house, because Anne’s picked up on it…

I need to work on my pronunciation though… As we were entering the church lobby this morning, Anne started singing (loudly), “Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound, that saved a ranch like me…”

She does have a knack for making us all laugh!

-kathryn

Anne’s at home today…

It’s nice to have her at home!

Right now, she’s sleeping while Canon and Kate are playing. Yes, I said playing and not fighting :-) Anne is not the only one improving in this house… Canon and Kate are adjusting to our new normal. See the train track that they built together?

Canon & Kate's train track!

Anne has come a long way – but still has a long way to go. It’s hard to quantify exactly what has improved… I guess her memory seems better. She seems more aware. She’s just generally ‘better.’

8-6-2010

Anne is having more frequent episodes of sadness – which is a good thing, a sign that she is healing and becoming more self aware. She has also starting missing me (mom) while she is away at rehab- another sign that self-awareness is emerging. We continue to covet your prayers for perseverance and God’s sustaining hand for our family. This is a long road of recovery…

A word of praise… Eric’s company has generously extended the amount of insurance coverage for Anne. We are so grateful as this gives Anne another 5 weeks of rehab! God continues to supply our every need – whether physical, emotional or spiritual – He has been our great provider and everpresent help in this time of trouble.

We remain grateful… -kathryn

Anne makes us laugh …again!

Excerpt of tonight’s dinner conversation…

Kate: I’m full. Can I have dessert?
Eric: Kate, if you’re full, then you don’t have room for dessert.
Canon: Well, I have a part of my tummy for regular food and another part for dessert.
Eric: You know, cows have multiple stomachs, and the last time I looked (and I’ve looked quite closely…) you are not a cow.
Kathryn (to Kate): Do you think Canon looks like a cow?
Kate: No!
Anne (to Canon): You look like a cow, Canon.

Positive signs of improvement…

Her injury is primarily on the right side of her brain. According to her MRI, the damage to her right hemisphere is extensive. Anne has shown typical deficits associated with Right Hemisphere Damage (RHD). Here are a few:

Flat effect – no expression and monotone speech.
Verbose since the left side of the brain controls verbal skills, RHD patients tend to talk alot :-)
Limited Focus and Attention
Limited Self Awareness – RHD patients fail to recognize the sympoms of their brain injury. For example, an adult with RHD doesn’t understand why he can’t go to work or drive a car.

Anne has shown improvement in alot of these areas. She has some expression when she talks, and even though she can’t carry a tune (yet), she’s constantly singing! On the flip side, Anne talks quite a bit, which is a blessing at home. She still struggles with an extremely short attention span and she is easily distracted.

Most encouraging is that she has shown glimmers of self-awareness – which is a HUGE positive sign that she is continuing to heal. She’s made brief comments that she is mad about the car crash and sad that God doesn’t love her. When I try to ask her questions about what she’s feeling, she typically gets distracted and starts talking about something else…

I feel like Anne is only able to express a fraction of what’s going on inside her. She’s impaired by her impulsivity and attention deficit.

Please pray:

That Anne’s attention would increase so that she could participate in age appropriate tasks and activities
As Anne’s attention increases that she would be more self aware and that we would have the wisdom to walk that difficult road with Anne,
And finally, that Anne would come to a place that she can say with full awareness that God is Good – and can sing (in tune) His praises :-)

That’s my hope for Anne – that she would know God more deeply as a result of her journey.