We’ve moved.

I am so tired.

We have been surrounded and supported by myriads of people during this entire process. Let’s see… So many guys have helped Eric get our “new” house ready. They’ve done plumbing, electrical and carpentry work. It’s been amazing! 12 different people have helped me pack up our old house. Men from our church came last night to move boxes. Family and friends have helped with the kiddos, and Eric’s brother is coming on Saturday to help some more. With a lot of help, we are finally moved!

I am so grateful. And now I’m going to bed!

An update on Anne

Anne continues to make slow and steady progress.

Let’s see… Physically, she is smiling on both sides of her mouth and stretching her left fingers out straight 4 or 5 times a day. Whenever she uses these “new” muscles, she gets really excited. “Look at my big smile, mommy!!!” “Look, look! Look at my hand!”  Can you imagine not feeling the left side of your mouth or not being able to stretch out the fingers in your left hand – and all of a sudden being able to do it??  To me, it’s more evidence that God is continuing to heal.

Anne's pretty smile

Anne has also made big jumps cognitively. More of her personality is emerging. A good, upbeat song will come on the radio and Anne will say, “Oh Yeah, baby!” Her sense of humor and ability to use words continues to improve. She seems overall, more content and happy – although she continues to struggle with insecurities over being different. For the most part, she is keeping up academically in school. She has a hard time writing, so she will probably qualify for adaptive technology for first grade (in other words, she’ll get to use a keyboard to complete her work.) She is also less irritable and has a bit more stamina – which makes our lives a little easier, especially in the evenings.

Anne’s seizures have drastically decreased in frequency, duration and intensity – but she is still having 1-2 very short, mild seizures a day. We’ll see the neurologist again in March to discuss our next plan of attack. But thankfully, the intense (horrible) seizures she was having over Christmas break stopped after we increased her current medication a smidgen. Thank you for your prayers!

She still struggles with her walking, although she has made progress – it’s just not fast progress :-) She walks well with her walker, but she cannot propel or steer the walker by herself, so she has a ways to go before she can walk independently… that’s my dream-goal for Anne – that she might be independent one day. We’ll just have to wait and see :-)

She still likes to mouth objects, but I think peer pressure is helping to curb that impulse. The other kindergartners just think it’s strange when she puts the wooden food in her mouth! This is just one example of why we are so grateful Anne is in a regular kindergarten class. There is so much value in positive behavior models for Anne!

Anne’s rehab doctor is still concerned about the tightness in Anne’s left foot. Her left foot is stuck pointed down and in. This is a direct result of the brain injury – her brain is unable to send the correct signals to the muscles to tell her foot to relax. He’s persuaded me to start her on a medication that reduces muscle spasticity. I’m praying it doesn’t affect her mood or stamina level.

Anne continues to be a source of great joy in our family. She has a unique ability to endear herself to others, so she brings joy to many people outside our family as well. This is a source of great encouragement to us! Our prayer is that God is glorified through this difficult circumstance, and when we see a glimpse of His glory in our lives, we are strengthened to persevere with gratitude!

Thank you so much for praying for our family for so long!!!

Gratefully, kathryn

Sleepy Conversations

It’s late… 11:30pm or so, and Anne just called out for me. It’s rare that she wakes up at night, so I went straight to her room….

“Mommy, I called your name because I need your help to get comfy.”
“Okay Anne” and I bent down to kiss her head…
“Mommy, you know… you are real close to my fragile part. Be careful, Mommy”
“I won’t kiss your fragile part, Anne. I promise.”
“Do you think I need music to go back to sleep?”
“No, Anne. It’s the middle of the night. You will go right back to sleep.”
“Goodnight, Mommy.”

It always amazes me how perfectly she speaks… using full sentences, flawless grammar and precise diction. Even when she is half-asleep – the verbal part of her brain works… and it works well. It’s a good thing to go to bed grateful to God for my little girl’s brain.

It’s a good. good. night.

How God prepared 7-year-old Canon

My fellow blogger and friend, Shelly, recently wrote, “If you want to make God laugh, just tell Him all about your plans for your life.”  HA! Isn’t that so true?

Eric is a big planner. Ever so often he’ll try to get me to sit down and think through short-term and long-term goals for our family. I think I’d rather have a stomach bug… seriously. But I can guarantee that neither one of us ever planned to be parenting a brain-injured child. Never. But mysteriously, God had it planned for us all along.

Looking back, I can see very specific ways God led our family to prepare us both financially and spiritually before that fatal April day.

A few months before the accident, I remember being struck with a deep gratitude by how extraordinarily good our lives were. Eric’s job was going exceptionally well. I was serving in our church in a deeply satisfying way. Anne had turned a corner on all her hyper-sensitivity issues and for the first time EVER – all three kids were thriving (at the same time ;-). We were surrounded by a tight community of friends from both church and the community. Every aspect of our lives… was good. I remember praying with Canon one night – thanking God for all the goodness in our lives and then asking God to give us the strength to persevere when hard times would come. Canon stopped my prayer to ask about these “hard times.” And so began a series of conversations we had over the next several weeks about hardship – and how it was inevitable for every believer. We talked about how God is glorified through hardship – how God builds our character through suffering. Canon was extremely interested in the topic. I just remember marveling at how thoughtful he seemed to be at only 7 years old.

Now I know that I should have been marveling at God… not Canon :-) It was God that was bending his heart and mind to thirst after such hard truths at so young an age. Just think about the kindness and gentleness of God to prepare little 7-year-old Canon for what only He knew was about to happen. Those conversations laid the foundation for all the painful talks after the accident about suffering and grief.

Our God is sovereign, and I am. so. grateful :-)

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:11.

Anne is still healing

I’ve been encouraged lately by little bits of progress that Anne is making. All of Anne’s little gains add up to one conclusion… Anne is still healing. I’m so thankful for God continuing to knit neurons together in Anne’s brain!!

Here’s a sampling of Anne’s “small” gains :-)

  • Her smile is starting to include both sides of her mouth – not all the time, but we are seeing that left side of her smile more and more.
  • She is tracking words from left to right more consistently in school.
  • She can stand up out of her car seat all by herself – and scoot herself back into her car seat with verbal cues.
  • She is learning how to stand from a sitting position by first pulling herself from sitting, to kneeling to standing. She uses her right hand to hold on to something for support and balance, and she’s real close to doing this by herself with only verbal cues.
  • She is becoming just a little bit shy… (she was painfully shy before).
  • She is also better behaved in school and is really trying to keep her name on “green” instead of on “yellow” or “red.”
  • She has mastered her 50 sight words and is beginning to learn more.
  • She is counting objects now. This might seem small, but she wasn’t even close to being able to do this last May. I’m very excited!
  • She is ticklish. She hasn’t been in a long time. It’s fun to see her laugh :-)
  • She can lift her left hand from her lap and place it on the table all by herself – without her right hand helping at all.
  • She’s walking farther… 300 feet at school with a walker before she starts to tire.
  • She can sit and listen to a whole picture book being read. She used to close the book after just a few pages.

Anne still has a long way to go, but we are so thankful for her continued progress! If you want to know how to pray more specifically for Anne, I update the top post on my blog on the 1st of every month with new prayer requests for Anne. And if you want to be notified by email each time I update the blog, just look on the right side for the “follow” button.

Thank you so much for your support of our family. We are so grateful!

Another good thing :-)

Running with friends. This has been really, really good!!  The best part of my fall has been finding a group of girls to run with 2-3 times a week. Yesterday morning we ran at a trail near the Chattahoochee River… and it snowed!!! It was exhilarating. Here’s a pic of us running a few weeks ago at “The River.”

Me, Beverly, Megan, Whitney & Kerry

Oh yeah, and I guess I should mention that I’m just holding the stroller… that’s not my baby:-)

Good things

Driving home from choir practice, it struck me how many good things there are this side of heaven…. Texting with an old friend – that’s good. Christmas lights in the city square – that’s good too. Fiddles and banjo’s, cello’s and harps – they’re all good. Coming home to a loving husband – who stands strong when life is hard… that’s real good. Real. Real. Good.

Climbing in a warm bed when it’s cold and rainy outside. Hmmmm…. That sounds good :-)

A conversation with daddy…

Our “new” Anne is very different than our “old” Anne, but some of those differences are good… Anne has much more freedom of expression, and she has been much happier lately. When she’s happy, she squeals… literally, she squeals with delight! This is a conversation that Eric had with Anne during one of her “squealing” sessions…

Eric: Anne, God has shown me something about you.

Anne: What daddy?

Eric: God has given you the gift of joy.

Anne: But daddy, my name means “grace.”

Eric: You’re right! It is by God’s grace that He has enabled you to have much joy!

Anne’s joy in the midst of struggle is a picture of God’s amazing grace to us!!! That’s something to squeal about :-)

Happy Anniversary…

to me!

Eric and I are celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary today. I confess, I’m not that great at celebrating. I’ve always been a bit boring in that category – or maybe I should spin it as “low maintenance.” Yeah, that sounds better :-)

Mile markers are healthy. I’m thankful I was blissfully oblivious to God’s plan for us when we married that day. Thankfully, tragedy hasn’t split us apart, and we continue to fight to stay connected.

This week is marked by a different type of celebration though… a much sadder type. Eric’s grandmother, we believe, is living the last few days of her life under hospice care. She is 96 years old, so we are thankful for her long and full life! Eric was always especially close to his grandmother. He has spent too many hours bedside… First was his mom (named Anne), who died at home after years of fighting brain cancer. Then there was our second little Anne – and all the hours wondering if she would die too – and now his grandmother.

Years after his mom died, I was sorting through her old photographs and found a picture of Eric in his college days. She had hand-written on the back, “My sweet Eric.” …my sentiments exactly!

Random Monday Ramblings

Sorry for the silence. Canon and Kate had fall-break last week (while Anne’s school was still in session) so I tried to make the most of my time with just those two. I think we squeezed a lot in our mornings, and the two munchkins had good attitudes as they went to all of Anne’s therapy sessions in the afternoons.

Time has a way of healing. When I look at Anne – I see more of our ‘new’ Anne and my longings for the ‘old’ Anne aren’t painfully sharp… they’ve become dull. I don’t think the longings will ever go away – especially as I open my fingers to acceptance more and more. But acceptance is coming easier, and the longings seem more like happy memories than sharp reminders of loss. Time heals.

God is sweet to open my eyes to His work in Anne. She has a way of bringing blessing to others – complete strangers are taken with her. We’re often late as she engages anyone (who will listen) in conversation. We were at Canon’s ballgame on Saturday, and a woman I barely recognized walked up and didn’t speak to me – but to Anne. Anne remembered her name (I sure didn’t), and the woman had remembered to bring Anne a gift. Anne beamed as she held her new, pink, little Mermaid workbook.

I think it’s a privilege to be Anne’s mom. I’m awfully grateful ;-)